Today was a weird day. I ran 19 miles. On a Tuesday. Who does that? Well, I do. Since I didn’t do a long run last weekend, and this was a rare Tuesday that I didn’t have my kids, I figured why not throw a long run in mid-week. Of course, those 19 miles were basically all I did today. I had every intention of getting to swimming this morning too, but when I got the email that practice was cancelled due to some bad water, I decided to roll over and go back to sleep. Which was a fantastic idea in theory, except that my neighbors’ roofers didn’t approve of that plan. I tried for a while, but eventually gave up and dragged my butt downstairs for some quality time on the couch with my book and a cup of coffee. I did make a quick trip to the post office later to mail a letter, because yes, sometimes people actually still do that. And I hit the grocery store since my kids come back to me tomorrow and I had almost nothing to feed them. But other than that, all I can really say for today is 19 miles.
19 miles. No rain. No snow. Again, weird. It seems like so many of my long runs lately have been under the duress of less than ideal weather conditions. However, I am very much looking forward to the days of not having to check the weather on my phone 15 times in making a decision on what to wear. Will I be over-dressed? Will I be under-dressed? Any special accessories like tornado-proof shoes? These hovering cooler temps are getting really old. I’m so ready to run in shorts and sleeveless all the time, and God help me, I will not complain about the heat this summer.
I started my run today by myself. I like running by myself, so that’s no big deal. But after 13.32 miles, I was definitely ready for some company. Fortunately, I already had a group to meet. We did a team outing for the new FLEET FEET that is getting ready to open in Des Peres later this month and we ran the social run course that I will have the shared privilege of leading every other week, just like I already do in Chesterfield. I could not be more excited about it! But, like I was saying after a little more than 13 miles on my own, the company was more than welcome. We ran the 5 mile course, which is incredibly hilly, completely the opposite of the Chesterfield social run that is on the levee and flat as a pancake. Mmmmm, pancakes…
After my solitary 13 through the hills of Wildwood, I was thrilled at the nice slow pace set by the 6 month pregnant chick and the injured dude. The last time Adam and I ran together was a trail half marathon where he got injured. We finished just seconds apart and he ended up with a 3rd place age group award, I got nothing. How is that fair?! Well, I guess it’s not exactly fair that he’s been injured either.
As we finished up the group run, I asked in my always too loud Lindsey voice, “Who wants to run this last .7 with me to round out my 19?!” Not surprisingly, I didn’t have any takers. They said, just run up the road to the bar, we’ll meet you there. Which is exactly what I did. And then I proceeded to throw down with a cheeseburger and fries like nobody’s business. And a couple of Courtney’s hot wings. Boy, some pancakes sure sound good right now…
Like I’ve already mentioned, it was a weird day. There’s a season for everything right? Sometimes we need to do things on our own and sometimes we need others to help pull us through. I thought it was interesting that I finished those 19 miles alone, just as I had started. But, that wasn’t the part about today that was ultimately so weird. 2 years ago today, I felt more alone than I ever have in my entire life. I was at the absolute rockiest part of the bottom. Things couldn’t get any worse. I knew my marriage was over. And the possibility loomed that my life was too. I was telling a friend today about some of the stuff I was dealing with then, and in response to the question, “How do you even begin to let go of all that pain?” this is how I answered: You spend 29 days under a blanket wanting life to just go away, that’s rock bottom. And then, you come to the realization that your entire life you’ve been a survivor. You’ve survived everything that’s been thrown your way. So you slowly start to pick up the pieces and go forward. Its slow steps at first, but eventually you find yourself running toward freedom. And when you finally get there, it’s amazing.
That’s kind of how I feel at the end of every run. No matter how tired I am, or how slow I’m dragging myself along, at least the last few steps, something stirs and I am able to muster the strength to run like I haven’t just put 19 miles behind me. Because I am a survivor. I feel like I am a running to that feeling of freedom and I’ve made it. It is amazing. Especially when you get to the end and you get to celebrate with the awesome people who kept you company along the way. A couple years, or even a couple miles, can make all the difference in the world.
For some reason, after all that, I’ve got a hankering for some pancakes. Geesh, you’d think I just ran 19 miles, or something.
Adam and RRG post race