Category Archives: Random thoughts

Stream of consciousness

Total Bonk

Bonk. We’ve all been there at one time or another. Wikipedia describes “bonk” or “hitting the wall” as a condition that endurance athletes face when glycogen stores are depleted and this manifests as sudden fatigue. I describe it as those moments when I’m running and I want nothing more than to lie down right where I am, with my cheek to the ground and never move ever again. Not even if someone offered me a million dollars. But knowing that if I do cave to that temptation, I will lay there in the fetal position until wild animals come to drag off my rotting carcass.

Today I had to do a 20 mile training run. Total bonk. I knew by the time I reached the end of my driveway it was going to be rough. My body was tired, I hadn’t carb loaded appropriately and it was hot. Trust me, I am NOT complaining about the heat, I’m just sayin’. It was a delightful change from what we have grown accustomed to this spring. But my body hasn’t had time to adapt to the humidity. Seriously, last week when I did 19, I was wearing gloves. And today I had to stop at 4 different places to refill my water bottle. Welcome to marathon training in the Midwest.

I tried everything to enjoy running today, but it just didn’t happen. I listened to the words of each song on my ipod, hoping that something would inspire me. But it seems that the line I heard at only a tenth of a mile in kept replaying over and over in my head. “Life ain’t a track meet, it’s a marathon.” I’m not even going to tell you what song that’s from because then I have to admit to the trashy, inappropriate music I listen to. I’m sure some of you will google the lyrics out of sheer curiosity, don’t judge me.

When my Garmin beeped at mile 4, my body said, “Are you kidding me?! We have to do that 4 more times?!” My brain said, “Yep! And we’re gonna be that much stronger for it.”

At the point where I finally got to turn around and head home, I celebrated, for about half a second, before I realized “Holy Schnikes! I have to do it all again.”

With 3 miles left to go, I was like, “3 miles. What’s the big deal? That’s a 5k, we can whip that out no problem.” Except for the fact that by that point, my pace had slowed nearly to a crawl and I began to wonder if I would even finish by dark. (I started at approximately 10:30am) I had eaten a pack of Cran-apple Gu Chomps, a Berry Blast Powerbar Gel and almost an entire package of watermelon Sports Beans. And yet, my body felt depleted, drained and dead.

1.9 miles to go, I walked long enough to eat the last 4 sportsbeans. Keep going.

Only .7 miles left, I stopped at Mobile on the run to fill up my waterbottle that was completely empty, again. Could I have made it the rest of the way without more liquids? Probably, but I needed water (and a 30 second break) to boost my morale.

You know you’re tired when you think to yourself, “The faster you run, the sooner you’re done” but you just can’t make your body move any quicker.

I finished my 20 miler at the end of my street, but I wasn’t home yet, so I kept running, or shuffling rather, until I got to my house. 20.23 total miles for the day. Ouch. I hurt.

Sometimes when physical strength fails, we have to rely on mental toughness. Mental toughness is when our brain convinces us to do something that we really, really don’t want to. My brain made my body keep moving when I really didn’t think I had the physical capability to keep going. It’s important to listen to our bodies, if there is an injury or some logical reason to stop running, we should. But “I’m tired” and “It’s hot”, those are not reasons. We have to train our bodies to go farther and faster, and we have to train our brains to see through the excuses our bodies make when they hurt. My brain got me through that run today. My brain, and my heart. I’ve said it many times, where I lack in ability and speed, I make up for it with determination and heart. I know what I need to do and I get it done. Today was no exception.

Just go one more mile. Just get up this hill. Just make it to that fire hydrant. Just go one more step. And another. And another. Some days are just like that.

On my way in to work this afternoon, armed with Ibuprofen, GU Brew Recovery and CEP sleeves, I got a phone call that I didn’t need to come in thanks to the Cardinals who demanded the attention of the vast majority of West County St. Louis today. Oh, Praise the Lord, I have never been so happy to live in St. Louis on the day of the home opener in the Lou. So, what did I do? I took the rest of the day off. And I went to get a pedicure. I think I earned it. The best part? The color I picked is called “It’s my year”. Heck yeah it is.

So what else can I say about that brutal, painful, grueling 20 mile run today? Two words: Bragging rights.

This is how RRG wrote today’s post

Stories You Didn’t Know About GO!

Today I made a good decision. It was a hard decision, but a good one. Today was the GO! St. Louis marathon and half marathon. I had the opportunity to run the half, and I wanted to. I really wanted to. If you’ve read many of my posts, you may have noticed that I love racing. This week I considered getting up before the sun to run the half this morning and then, literally, racing to work. I thought about going out and doing it nice and easy, “for fun”. But I know me. I don’t do anything nice and easy. I would have thrown myself into it, because that’s what I do, in pretty much every aspect of my life. What can I say? I’m kind of passionate like that.

I’ve got so much adrenaline building for my two big upcoming races. Between those, my failed racing attempt on St. Patrick’s Day, and a missed race in February….I would have gone out of the gates guns blazin’! That would not have been smart. So, this week as I mulled over the idea of racing today, I ultimately listened to my head and did the right thing. I decided not to risk injury. I decided to save myself for MY races. My day is coming, I just need to be patient (something I have a reeeeeeally hard time doing).

This blog is typically about my own personal running adventures, but this weekend I had so many friends racing that I have to share some stories. These are some of the people who inspire me and push me to keep doing what I love…

My Smoky Mountain Relay teammates, Ken and Jordan didn’t run the GO! They ran the Xenia Marathon in Ohio. Ken had a huge PR of 3:15, placing 12^th; Jordan ran 2:49 and took 3^rd overall.

Barb Delgado ran the GO! Half in 1:32:55, taking home a 2^nd place age group award.

Carl Bost finished his second marathon. He has cut himself to half of his former size. If he keeps running marathons, he might disappear.

Two years ago, John Tvrdic, didn’t understand my running addiction or how I could get up at the crack of dawn to log the long miles and now he has officially been bitten by the running bug. How many Halfs is that now JT? And when is the first full???

Lindsey Harris ran back to back half marathons this weekend, the Lincoln Half on Saturday and the GO! on Sunday. Lindsey ran to let the past be the sound of her feet upon the ground. Carry on, Girl, carry on…

Douang, whose comments are scattered all over the pages of my blog and I absolutely love her for it, ran her first half marathon today and I know she was thinking of the sweet baby she lost way too soon.

Courtney, Nicole, Wes, Kris, Teri, Tracy, Megan, Chris, Julie, Laura, Brian, Andrea, Rick, Adam and probably several others that I didn’t even realize were out there. Some ran the half, some ran the full, some ran the relay as part of a team. It wasn’t about the distance; it was about doing what unites us as runners. And feeling like we are a part of something bigger than ourselves.

Speaking of being a part of something bigger…Chris Smaglis, Caleb Baldwin, John Hull, Katie Poland, Adrienne Beer and Judy West, along with so many others, ran to raise money for Team Living Water. Living Water is an organization that provides wells for clean drinking water in communities all around the world. But even more than that, they provide hope for the hopeless. Saturday evening I sat in church with yellow jersies scattered throughout the room. I was sitting next to Caleb; he was wearing his yellow jersey and a hat that had been signed by all the people who donated to Living Water through his efforts. Caleb wore that hat while he raced today and now it will travel to the project that he ran for so the people who will receive water from this team will know some of the names of the people who sponsored them.

My dad always said, “Surround yourself with good people”. It’s obvious that I have. These are my friends. I wouldn’t necessarily say they are always a good influence on me (ie-Nicole heckled me for my decision to practice self-control and not race today) But, like I said, these are the people who inspire me to keep doing what I love. It’s not just about going out and winning. It’s about pushing yourself to accomplish your own personal goals, whatever they might be. There are so many reasons we race. Ask any one of us on any given race day and chances are you’ll get a different answer. Sometimes it’s about running for yourself, running to heal a hurt, running to remember someone, running to raise money for someone who needs something. Sometimes we run just because we are so grateful that we can.

Tomorrow I have a 20 mile training run to do. I won’t be physically surrounded by all of these people, I probably won’t even see anyone I know while I’m running. But I know without a doubt, it will be thoughts of them, and the inspiration they are to me, that will be pulling me through each one of those 20 miles.

One way or another, next April I plan to listen to my heart and I hope to be rocking a yellow jersey of my own…

RRG logged 5 miles today while the GO! was GOing on…

Chasing My Shadow

A couple weeks ago, my friend Amy Marxkors, wrote a piece about how you can’t run and cry at the same time. I assure you, this is correct. I speak from personal experience. Personal experience as recently as this afternoon.

I’ve been having a rough week. So rough in fact that when I met Faith for coffee this morning prior to opening the store, it didn’t take more than a minute or so after her walking in, and I was dissolved in tears in the front window of Starbucks as I shared my woes with my friend.

I managed to pull myself together eventually and put on my happy pants while I was at work, but as soon as the clock hit 2pm, I knew I needed to get my run on. I needed to find me some hills. Off to Babler I went for a quick 4 miles before I had to pick the kids up from school. As I cruised down 109 towards one of my favorite running spots, the tears began to cruise down my face all over again. I could hear Faith’s words from this morning ringing in my ears, “Lindsey, I know it’s hard, but you are so brave.” I pulled into my usual parking spot by the statue, changed my shoes, threw on my visor and set out on my usual “bad day route” with mascara still streaking my face. It didn’t take more than a step or two for me to figure out that crying was just not in the cards if I wanted to get this run in.

I’m sure curiosity is peaked…why had Rambling Runner Girl turned into Crying Runner Girl? Well, I’ll tell you. But first I have to ask the question, why is it so hard to say the word “No”? It’s one of the first words we learn to say, right after Da, Ma, ball, dog and car. Sometimes even before some of those. And toddlers use “No” more than any other word in their rapidly growing vocabulary. Actually, so do some adults who act like toddlers. “No” is universal in how many different languages? And even cultures that use a different word for “No”, still clearly understand what it means. We also have many different gestures to indicate “No”, some more appropriate than others. But at what point, did it become so difficult for me to say No?

I’m a pleaser. I like to make other people happy. And I deeply take to heart other people’s feeling when I’m making a decision. Especially when those people are my children. But as a parent, sometimes it’s necessary to say “No” to things they want, or that other people want for them, because we have their best interest in mind. We can’t please everyone all the time, so we really just have to do the best we can, to make the decision that we can live with at the end of the day.

A few weeks ago I was asked to make a decision about something regarding my kids. I wrestled with it. I struggled. I did my research. I talked through it with the people closest to me. Ultimately, I knew what my answer needed to be, but I knew it was going to be hard to say it. Last night, I said it. I exercised my right to say no.

This morning, I needed to hear Faith’s words, because I was doubting myself. I didn’t feel brave. But as she reminded me, I’m not the same person she met 2 years ago. Now, I am brave. Because to me being brave isn’t about being fearless. Being brave means standing up to adversity and intimidation with conviction and fortitude. Being brave means getting back up when I fall down. Being brave means saying what I need to say whether I say it in a whisper or a shout or even if my voice is shaking. I continued to let all of this sink into me as I embraced the rolling hills of Babler this afternoon.

By the end of my run, I noticed the graceful way my shadow seemed to glide across the asphalt, such smooth movements, almost like I was flying. It was actually kind of beautiful to watch. It’s funny how I was working so hard to put one foot in front of the other, sweating, struggling, pushing myself to go harder but from a totally different perspective my counter-part appeared to be going along with such ease. So there we were, two of me. Which one was real? Both actually.

It’s all a matter of perspective. Sometimes we just need to step back and look at ourselves from another angle, because sometimes we see ourselves a little too closely. So I will go on chasing my own shadow and I’ll try to remember that the “me” that is fighting to keep going is the same “me” that is graceful and courageous and strong.

Does this shadow make my butt look big?

19 Miles, or something…

Today was a weird day. I ran 19 miles. On a Tuesday. Who does that? Well, I do. Since I didn’t do a long run last weekend, and this was a rare Tuesday that I didn’t have my kids, I figured why not throw a long run in mid-week. Of course, those 19 miles were basically all I did today. I had every intention of getting to swimming this morning too, but when I got the email that practice was cancelled due to some bad water, I decided to roll over and go back to sleep. Which was a fantastic idea in theory, except that my neighbors’ roofers didn’t approve of that plan. I tried for a while, but eventually gave up and dragged my butt downstairs for some quality time on the couch with my book and a cup of coffee. I did make a quick trip to the post office later to mail a letter, because yes, sometimes people actually still do that. And I hit the grocery store since my kids come back to me tomorrow and I had almost nothing to feed them. But other than that, all I can really say for today is 19 miles.

19 miles. No rain. No snow. Again, weird. It seems like so many of my long runs lately have been under the duress of less than ideal weather conditions. However, I am very much looking forward to the days of not having to check the weather on my phone 15 times in making a decision on what to wear. Will I be over-dressed? Will I be under-dressed? Any special accessories like tornado-proof shoes? These hovering cooler temps are getting really old. I’m so ready to run in shorts and sleeveless all the time, and God help me, I will not complain about the heat this summer.

I started my run today by myself. I like running by myself, so that’s no big deal. But after 13.32 miles, I was definitely ready for some company. Fortunately, I already had a group to meet. We did a team outing for the new FLEET FEET that is getting ready to open in Des Peres later this month and we ran the social run course that I will have the shared privilege of leading every other week, just like I already do in Chesterfield. I could not be more excited about it! But, like I was saying after a little more than 13 miles on my own, the company was more than welcome. We ran the 5 mile course, which is incredibly hilly, completely the opposite of the Chesterfield social run that is on the levee and flat as a pancake. Mmmmm, pancakes…

After my solitary 13 through the hills of Wildwood, I was thrilled at the nice slow pace set by the 6 month pregnant chick and the injured dude. The last time Adam and I ran together was a trail half marathon where he got injured. We finished just seconds apart and he ended up with a 3^rd place age group award, I got nothing. How is that fair?! Well, I guess it’s not exactly fair that he’s been injured either.

As we finished up the group run, I asked in my always too loud Lindsey voice, “Who wants to run this last .7 with me to round out my 19?!” Not surprisingly, I didn’t have any takers. They said, just run up the road to the bar, we’ll meet you there. Which is exactly what I did. And then I proceeded to throw down with a cheeseburger and fries like nobody’s business. And a couple of Courtney’s hot wings. Boy, some pancakes sure sound good right now…

Like I’ve already mentioned, it was a weird day. There’s a season for everything right? Sometimes we need to do things on our own and sometimes we need others to help pull us through. I thought it was interesting that I finished those 19 miles alone, just as I had started. But, that wasn’t the part about today that was ultimately so weird. 2 years ago today, I felt more alone than I ever have in my entire life. I was at the absolute rockiest part of the bottom. Things couldn’t get any worse. I knew my marriage was over. And the possibility loomed that my life was too. I was telling a friend today about some of the stuff I was dealing with then, and in response to the question, “How do you even begin to let go of all that pain?” this is how I answered: You spend 29 days under a blanket wanting life to just go away, that’s rock bottom. And then, you come to the realization that your entire life you’ve been a survivor. You’ve survived everything that’s been thrown your way. So you slowly start to pick up the pieces and go forward. Its slow steps at first, but eventually you find yourself running toward freedom. And when you finally get there, it’s amazing.

That’s kind of how I feel at the end of every run. No matter how tired I am, or how slow I’m dragging myself along, at least the last few steps, something stirs and I am able to muster the strength to run like I haven’t just put 19 miles behind me. Because I am a survivor. I feel like I am a running to that feeling of freedom and I’ve made it. It is amazing. Especially when you get to the end and you get to celebrate with the awesome people who kept you company along the way. A couple years, or even a couple miles, can make all the difference in the world.

For some reason, after all that, I’ve got a hankering for some pancakes. Geesh, you’d think I just ran 19 miles, or something.

Adam and RRG post race

Leg 19

It was gorgeous out today. Hard to believe that just a week ago I was running in a blizzard resulting in a foot of snow. The snow has all melted and it appears that maybe Spring has finally arrived. Well, hold that thought, we have a chance for flurries tomorrow. Seriously?!

Well, today I took advantage of the beautiful day. I went for trail run and muddied up a brand new pair of New Balance 1010s. It was awesome. Pretty much the whole time I was running I was thinking about one of my upcoming races. The Smoky Mountain Relay is less than 3 weeks away and I could not be more excited. As I ran some tough hills today, it was the thought of repeating Leg 19 in a few weeks that pushed me up those inclines.

The SMR is a 215 mile relay through the Smoky Mountains in North Carolina. It’s typically a 6 or 12 person team, last year we were 9. I got pulled on to the team by Jordan and his wife Jan, who both worked at FLEET FEET. Jordan was looking for more people to add to the team at the same time I was looking to try something totally different with running. I figured, this is something I want to try, it sounds really cool, so sure, why not? One and done, right? Wrong.

As we got closer to the race, I had a chance to meet the other St. Louis based team members. We skyped with the guys we had picked up from the race website to join our team. We totally scored picking up 2 guys from Utah, who are not only awesome people and amazing athletes, but Mark owns a house near the finish where we all stayed. And will again, even though Mark won’t be with us this time due to the impending arrival of his third child. Not all of my teammates have their priorities in order since they have not planned these things around SMR, but I guess we’ll forgive it since he lets us use his house.

Ken and Jordan started putting together a rough draft of leg assignments. The nice thing about SMR is that you don’t have to stay in any particular order, you can jump around in the line-up however it suits you. The first draft came out and I started scanning it. My first leg: 4 miles, easy. Second leg, same. What is this?! Just cause I’m a girl they are going to give me only easy legs. This is stupid. And then I saw it. The only leg labeled “Very Hard” was given to yours truly. Sweet! Well, I said I like to run uphill, so they let me have it. 5.5 miles up a 2500 foot incline on gravel about halfway through the race which puts us somewhere in the middle of the night. I was pretty stoked that my team had entrusted me with this leg of the race.

Each team starts according to ability and projected time based on 10k time trials for each team member. When I did my 10k last year to see what I was capable of, it was the first time I’ve ever broken 50 minutes. And that was just me, out on the road, getting it done. Put me in a race setting and I’m capable of even more. I’ve since had the chance to prove it. In October, I crushed that when I finished in 48:30, taking home a 2^nd place age group award at the Gumbo Flats 10k.

But anyway, we were one of the last teams to start because we were expected to be pretty fast. At the start line, there were some announcements. One of them was this-Leg 19 had been declared one of the hardest legs in any overnight relay in the country, so we were given the choice to opt out of it. My team started looking around, who has Leg 19? I said, “I do. That’s my leg. And I’m doing it. We came to do this and we’re not opting out of anything!”

And so we began the race. Jan started us off and ran a loop through the park, and then Matt continued our trek into the mountains. Some legs were on the road, some were on trails. Some were flat to easy rolling hills, some were intense uphill all the way, some were steep downhills.

I did my first leg, about 4 miles on the road. Other than a couple dogs chasing me, it was no sweat. On the way to my second leg, Craig had to drive like a maniac because of the potential for the van route to take longer than the runner getting to the exchange point. It lived up to its potential. Despite Craig’s driving, and me almost falling out of the van pantless, Mark still beat us. And he kept on running. So when we caught up to him, he said, “Can I please finish this leg? I feel really good”. I jumped back in the van, feeling totally dejected and announced, “I’m stealing Jan’s leg.” So, literally, I took the following leg from Jan. There is nothing worse than having your adrenaline all amped up and then being told to chill. That leg was a fairly easy 4 miler, except that it was dusk and by the end of that leg it was so dark I almost fell into the abyss because I couldn’t see anything.

Finally, at something like 2am, it was my turn to really get after it. Leg 19. Here we go. That leg was a beast. Aside from the fact that it was pitch black and I could see nothing farther than the 5-10 feet in front of me, thanks to my headlamp, it was very much a never ending hill, or so it seemed. I kept thinking about Jordan’s words, “It doesn’t matter how slow you go, just don’t stop.” At only one point did I get about a 10 step break from going uphill, a very brief plateau and then back up. My teammates had asked what I needed in terms of support. I said, wait for me at about 2 miles up and we’ll go from there. They waited. When I got there, Ken gave me Gatorade and some encouragement. I don’t know if it was my ego or being delirious, but I remember talking smack, saying “This is nothin. I own this mountain.” They went up a couple more miles, and waited again at a weird turn. When I saw them again, I was no longer talking smack. I was no longer talking. I was barely breathing. Then they said, “See you at the top” and they were gone. I finally got to the sign that said I only had a half mile to go. Yessss! But according to my Garmin, I still had about a mile and a half. Hmmm…that’s weird. Turns out some kids had moved the sign down the mountain in an effort to be funny. Not. Cool. I kept climbing, slowly, so slowly. At one point I wanted to see how dark it really was, so I covered my head lamp for a sec, uh, yeah, it was total blackness. I was having a mental battle with myself, “I want to walk. No I don’t. Yes I do. No I don’t”. Then the mist started and it got so foggy, I could barely see my hand in front of my face. And just as it seemed I would NEVER get there, I could hear Nate O cheering me on and he slowly came into view. Oh thank you sweet Jesus, I made it!

On April 18, a carload of us will make the roadtrip to NC. And some time during the wee hours of April 20, I will have another go at Leg 19. I am determined to do it even better and stronger than last year. Because I am better and stronger than I was last year. You may not know this about me, but I’m not typically one to back down from a challenge. Leg 19, I’m coming for you. Again.

RRG…smiling at the top. This is why Nathan A has given me the nickname “Leg 19”

What’s Your Dream?

Anybody who has ever seen the movie Pretty Woman should remember the line where the guy says “Welcome to Hollywood! What’s your dream?! Everyone who comes to Hollywood gots to have a dream…”

It’s true. We all have dreams. I am notorious for having very vivid and really weird dreams, and I inevitably remember the ones that are excessively strange, like when I was pregnant with Ally and I dreamt I was riding a giant chicken. What the heck is that about?! But that’s not exactly what I’m referring to here. I’m really talking about the things that we hope for, that kind of dream. Some dreams are realistic like, I dream of eating pizza and ice cream this weekend, and that Michigan State will win against Duke tomorrow night…not completely out of the realm of possibility. Other dreams are completely fanciful, like dreaming I will win the Ironman championships in KONA someday. Ummmm, not likely.

I do have a real dream. Ok, I have lots of dreams actually. I have a dream that someday I will go to Ireland and rent a little cottage for a month or two so I can start writing my book. I’ll tour the Irish countryside and drink beer with the locals. And I’ll become a best-selling author. I have a dream that someday, someone will present me with one of those pretty, little blue boxes from Tiffany’s. I have a dream I’ll get to visit my friend Jess in Australia and dive the Great Barrier Reef. And, despite the fact that I’ve denied it for fear of admitting it, I have a dream of being in love again. Preferably with someone who is also in love with me. I guess only time will tell…

But since I am Rambling Runner Girl, let’s talk about my running dreams. I have a dream that someday I might qualify for the Boston Marathon. And that leads to a dream of actually running the Boston Marathon. When I ran my first marathon in 2001, I had absolutely no thoughts of this particular dream. I dreamt only of crossing the finish line in Chicago and living to tell about it. However, as my running career progressed, so did my dreams. I got faster. I broke 4 hours. I keep inching closer and closer to the possibility of a BQ (Boston Qualifier for those less integrated into the running world). And just as I got right within reach, the Boston Athletic Association went and lowered the times needed to qualify. Now, I’m no longer just a minute away from my qualifying time. No, now I have to drop at least 7 minutes and 12 seconds from my fastest marathon time. Big sigh…

When my friend, Steve decided to run the Vancouver marathon in May to complete his first full, and I so graciously invited myself to join him, we talked about both of us running fast enough to get me that BQ for HIS birthday (his bday is the day before the race). We were sitting at Nick’s birthday dinner at Drunken Fish eating sushi and drinking Dirty Martinis as this whole conversation took place (well, Nick and I were drinking martinis, Steve was likely drinking Diet Dr. Pepper) and then I went home and registered for Vancouver that night. I guess you could say I like to make a big deal of my friends’ birthdays.

Tonight I led the social run at the store, but it wasn’t the same. Steve wasn’t there. At least not for the run. He showed up later to hang out with all of us afterward, but he is unfortunately injured. The other day I got the following text from Steve: “I am so %#&$* for Vancouver”. The sad reality is I might be taking on the Vancouver course on my own. I’m not sure if that sucks more for me or him. It sucks for me, cause I was hoping he would pull me along fast enough to get under that 3:40 mark. But it sucks for him because despite his best efforts, he keeps getting injured and that 26.2 keeps eluding him altogether. Yeah, ok, it probably sucks more for him. At least I get to make the attempt.

I’m still hopeful that Steve will be running with me that day, in some capacity. Even if we don’t run the whole race together, I’m hoping that he’ll be there at some point to celebrate with me, just like he has at so many other points over the past year.

So, I will go on about my training for Vancouver. And I will hope that Steve will be well enough to, at the very least, run me into the finish. Many things have to come together on May 5 for me to live a dream…the weather, remaining injury free, pacing myself just right, remembering all my gear, not wearing shoes that come untied (Stupid Kinvaras. Ok, so that was probably the fault of me, not the shoes), and avoiding any other freak things getting in the way. So, we’ll see. If nothing else, I will keep chipping away at my goal. I may hit it. I may not. But I’ll go enjoy a good, long run through beautiful British Columbia. Whether I get that 3:39:59 or not, I’m still going to keep trying to achieve it. And eventually I might get to realize that dream. Someday…

Steve, RRG, Nick and Dan enjoying some post run Froyo

Stair Repeats and Blondie Bars

What’s worse than being stuck at home with a puking kid for two days? Being stuck at home with a puking kid for two days and making the bad decision to bake. Because when you’re stuck in a house with just one other person most of the time, who happens to be managing only Gatorade and saltines, you find yourself eating the entire pan of Trader Joe’s Blondie Bars. Ugh.

After 2 days of that, I was in serious need of a run. Especially since my calves were still ridiculously tight from another bad choice I made earlier in the week. On Monday, I went to boxing. Then I decided to go for a run at the mud pit called Castlewood State Park. Now, I love to run in the mud, but I only managed about 3 miles because the mud was more like clay that was clinging to my shoes making it feel like I was running with cinderblocks strapped to my feet. So, I gave up that idea and decided to run the stairs. I didn’t just run them once, or twice. Not even 5 times. I ran the Castlewood stairs 10 times. Yeah, that’s right, I said TEN. I’m not sure what got into me, maybe it was Kanye singing “N-now that that don’t kill me, can only make me stronger”. Or maybe it was my determination to do even better this year on Leg 19 of the Smoky Mountain Relay in April (5.5 miles over a 2,500 foot incline on gravel in the pitch dark-Bring it!) Whatever it was, it seemed like a good idea the first time up the stairs. But by round 7, I couldn’t even really feel my legs. By the time I got back to my car in the parking lot, my quads were shaking and I had a hard time removing my Cascadia’s from my feet.

I always say its two days after a tough workout that the pain is the worst. So, here we are, it’s Wednesday, and my calves are on fire. I’m hydrated. I tried foam rolling. That was only minimally helpful. I knew I needed to go for a run to stretch it out. But after sitting around watching TV and eating Blondie Bars for 30some hours, I was severely lacking motivation and energy to get off the bar stool my butt had become glued to. I needed to tap into another source. Question: What is in perpetual motion and has the energy of a puppy on steroids? Answer: My 7 year old. So, after I picked the older kids up from school, I said, “Hey Ethan, you wanna go for a run around the lake with me?” He said, yeah, sure, but could I wait 10 minutes for him to get ready. Uh, yeah, cause I’m gonna need at least that long to get motivated to do this. It’s only 1.25 miles around the little lake we live on. It really shouldn’t be this challenging. I figured we’d go around twice, maybe three times. So, we got ready, we went around the lake once, plus a little more, for a total of 1.59 miles. We didn’t even run the whole thing because E kept getting a side cramp and needing to walk it off. I don’t think either one of us broke a sweat. I’m not sure I burned more than 15 calories. And my calves are still killing me.

So, what’s the moral of this story? I have absolutely no idea. I guess it’s don’t run stairs repeats at Castlewood when you’re going to be stuck at home eating Blondie Bars for two days.

Man I can’t wait to get out there and log some miles tomorrow. But I think I might stay away from hills for another day or so. And I foresee see a big salad in my future.

Ethan and I after his first 5k in November 2012

Some Days You’ve Got it, and Some Day You Don’t

Some days you’ve got it, and some days you don’t. My legs are toast today. Every time I move, I pretty much want to cry. My quads are screaming. After 3 days of doing almost nothing due to having the kids at home for snow days, I went and ran 15 miles yesterday. And lemme tell ya, I’m feeling it today. I guess, to say I did nothing on those snow days, isn’t entirely accurate. I ran in circles and jumped through hoops trying to entertain 3 kiddos who were suddenly off school for a couple days. And I shoveled snow, lots of snow. I was the first person on my street to have a cleared driveway. It’s the Chicago girl in me. If I’m going to be stuck at home, it will definitely not be because of my own doing. It’s amazing how much of a workout shoveling can be. But anyway, yeah, I got up this morning with the intention of running before or after boxing. But alas, boxing is all I was able to manage today. It was funny that on the jab-jab-roll-hook-cross-cross combo, David said to me, “Nice power.” Because quite frankly, I didn’t feel like I had any power today. And my roundhouse kicks were severely lacking in comparison to what they typically are.

So, today was a day that I just didn’t really have my usual stuff. Of course, sometimes, on those days vanity can kick in and do incredible things. A couple weeks ago, I had just that experience. I walked into boxing on a Wednesday morning, and the first thing I said to David was, “You better start this class soon or I’m gonna lay down on the floor and go to sleep.” I was tired and I didn’t feel like working particularly hard that day. But something changed as soon as I glanced in the mirror and figured out that my eyes were not playing tricks on me. Jackie Joyner Kersee was at the back of the room, taking the same class I was. OMG, I get to work out with Jackie Joyner Kersee. Holy Crap, that is so flipping cool!

You can bet I didn’t slack on that workout. As tired as I felt, something in me kicked into high gear, call it pride or vanity or whatever, but I went full throttle when I saw Jackie. No wusses here! I was dripping with sweat by the time we finished. Like, we’re talking eyes burning from the streams of sweat pouring down my face dripping.

When we finished, I hesitated. I didn’t want to storm her as soon as the class was done, but there was no way I was going to pass up the opportunity to talk to Jackie. (Yeah, that’s right, I’ve seen her again since and we’re on a first name basis. Well, ok, I’m on a first name basis, she probably doesn’t remember mine.) Anyway, I put away my weights, had a drink of water, and was chatting it up with some of the regulars I know. I put on my jacket, my black Fleet Feet jacket that I wear proudly so that people know I’m a part of the running community. I grabbed my boxing gloves and my keys, and threw my sunglasses on top of my head, which is so classic Lindsey. I looked around…where did she go? Shoot! Did she leave? Oh, nope, she was on one of the weight machines. I walked casually across the gym. Ok, so, maybe I was trying really hard to appear casual. On the inside I was jumping up and down like a kid in a candy store. She looked up and saw me coming. I smiled. Jackie smiled. I spoke, “I don’t want to interrupt your workout, but I just wanted to say Hi. I’m Lindsey.” She extended her hand and I shook it, as she said something…I was in a fog, I think she said HI, or nice to meet you, or something, but I really couldn’t tell you which. I told Jackie that I had received a finishers medal from her a couple times at the Bridge the Gap half marathon in Quincy. She said, “Oh, I was just up there for the kickoff. Are you going to do it again this year?” I said, “Well, I’m not sure yet. I’m signed up for the Vancouver marathon which is the week before.” She kind of chuckled and said something like, “Oh, you marathoners. I couldn’t do that.” Are you kidding me?! This is Jackie Joyner Kersee! I’m just happy to be standing in the same room with her and all of her Olympic greatness.

We talked for a minute about Fleet Feet and the 5K race that Jackie’s foundation is hoping to start next year with the help of our race timing division. Then I told Jackie I’d let her get back to her workout. She made a comment about needing to get in shape. HA! I responded with, “I don’t think you have anything to worry about there. But when you’re ready for new shoes, come see me at FLEET FEET”. I really hope she does.

RRG and JJK at the finish of the Bridge the Gap half marathon in Quincy, IL

Looking For a Silver Lining

Everything happens for a reason. I have always, and still do, believe that. But that doesn’t mean I always have to like it.

This weekend, I was in a funk. As I finished my run this morning, a whole bunch of my friends were all gathered in my favorite park to run a 15k trail race that I was registered for but unable to compete in. Ya see, the group holding this race, had to move the date from Saturday to Sunday, but I work on Sundays, and with the start time not being until 10am, there was just no way to swing it.

At first, I was in denial about the situation. Then, I fought desperately to try and work out the details…if I run it fast enough, and then don’t stop at the finish line but go straight to my car and drive exactly 7-10 mph over the speed limit, I might get to work only a few minutes late. And I will have to irritate my co-workers by being stinky Lindsey all day. Hmmm…but…if all does not go well, which is entirely possible given the 5 inches of snow we just got, chances are I’ll be more like an hour late to work. And still no shower. Back to denial. And then on to pouting. And then, finally, sucking it up and accepting the bitter truth of the anti-climactic end to this particular race. Done. Sigh…

That sounds oddly like the stages of grieving, doesn’t it?

Ok, so obviously, in the grand scheme of things, not being able to run this race was not my biggest loss in life. But the reality is I was looking forward to it, so I’m disappointed that it didn’t work out. Sometimes these things happen, and it’s ok to be disappointed, and to be a little pissed, and to pout if I need to. Like I said, it’s not the end of the world. And it’s really a matter of perspective. But the fact remains, I wanted to do something and I didn’t get to and that sucks a little because now I’m left with this feeling of an itch that needs to be scratched. I Want To RACE. I was getting all amped up to go throw down on this snowy trail, so what am I supposed to do with all the energy and adrenaline that’s been building up for weeks?

Now what? Well, I text Nicole and Farrell to go for a 15 mile training run. That’s what.

I met the girls early this morning at Forest Park, one of the few places that was plowed, so we could log some long miles. Our topics of conversation ranged everything from how as runners we are kinda gross and sometimes have no concept of what is socially acceptable; to why that woman was running with a very large, albeit fashionable, scarf which had to have been very sweaty and itchy; to analysis of the Gym Class Heroes song The Fighter being a great running song. But the really fun part was talking about Farrell’s wedding, cause Nicole and I are both in it. Oh, yeeeah… can we say bachelorette party roadtrip??? Actually, I love that Farrell is getting married to Ryan. My first memory of Ryan is that he calls Linds his angel, which I find completely adorable. And he proposed to her on HIS birthday. Seriously?! Who does that?! He’s definitely a keeper. And Farrell is a friend that has stood by me at some pretty crazy times in life. She was one of the first people to see me the day I filed for divorce and she will be quick to tell you I was freaking out. I have learned a lot about love through both having Farrell as my friend, and through watching her relationship with Ryan. This is a couple who gives me hope. I definitely wouldn’t say I’m thinking of getting married again anytime soon, or even at all. I’m not really ready to think about any of that just yet. I don’t know what’s in my future. Right now, I’m pretty happy just being Lindsey. But Ryan and Farrell make me believe that maybe, just maybe, it’s possible, that love like that really exists.

So, what’s the silver lining of a race I had to bail on today? Well, I didn’t incur any kind of injury on those icy trails that might have dashed my hopes of Vancouver. And I got to hang out with two of the coolest, most badass chicks I know. And I was reminded once again to hang on to hope. Oh, and I made it to work on time, so I get to keep my job. That’s a plus.

Anyway, now the big question is…who’s up for running the St. Patty’s Day race with me?

The awesome group of running peeps I was supposed to race with today.

14…No, wait, make that 15 Miles of complete randomness…

Yesterday morning as I sat in my SUV, trying to motivate myself to get out of it’s warmth and go run 14 miles, I procrastinated a little bit. I’m going to share a text conversation I was having in those moments. Due to the nature of part of the conversation, some names may have been changed to protect the other party involved. So, for the sake of anonymity, let’s call him, ummmm, Mick.

RRG: Soooo, I’m gonna need some details on this new girl at some point. 😉

Mick: Haha. In good time. 🙂

RRG: So mysterious. C’mon, it’s just me… Just kidding, but we need to catch up soon. I’m off to run 14. Laters…

Mick: Definitely! Have a great run!

RRG: Thanks. I am so not excited about this right now.

Mick: You’ll be excited about it after you PR at Vancouver.

RRG: Right on.

Alright Linds, let’s do this! Remember, it’s not about pace, it’s just about logging the miles. Nice and easy. 14 miles. Take ‘em one at a time. Here we go…

Mick was right, getting up on a Saturday to go run 14 in the cold IS going to be worth it when I cross that finish line in Vancouver. Which, by the way, Steve still has not given me the hotel info. But yeah, that’s gonna be a fantastic weekend. And I’m gonna rock it out on that course.

I probably shouldn’t have had that extra Blue Moon last night, but what are ya gonna do? At least there was an orange slice in it.

Boy, people are really friendly in Forest Park today. Everyone is so smiley. Good Morning, happy chick. Did that guy just wink at me?! I wonder why everyone is so…Oh, wait, I’m doing it again. That thing I do, when I’m running and I have a big dorky smile on my face, cause I’m just happy to be running. I’m a geek. But whatevs…Hey there smiley people of Forest Park, it’s a good morning! Chilly, but good. The sky is blue, the sun is shining, and it’s so flipping cold I can’t feel my nose. This wind has some serious bite to it. I am soooo jealous of all my friends that are running races in warm weather this weekend. Austin, Pasadena…yeah, St. Louis in February just isn’t quite cutting it today.

My achilles is acting up, I wonder what that’s about. That’s one area I don’t usually have trouble with, so that’s kinda weird…

I am so not looking forward to meeting with the accountant later. Can’t I just live in denial and not deal with the whole tax return nightmare? This whole thing has me completely freaking out. I can’t think of anything I like less than taxes…

HEYHEY, Chick in the Michigan sweatshirt, WHAT UP?! Did you see the way my Spartans gave your wolverines a beat down the other night? Oh yeah, that was awesomeness.

I think that guy is wearing the red NB jacket we sell at that store. Oooh, he’s cute. And he’s smiling at me. That’s right, cute boy, smile away. How you doin’?

Yeah, Nicky Minaj…And to my core fans, keep reppin’ me, do it to the death of me, X in the box, cause ain’t nobody checkin’ me.

I like that girl’s tights, but Oh, Sister, the Pegasus is so not the shoe for you. You really need a nice Structure Triax. Ouch.

Awwww, good memories. I remember running down this hill with Jess the night we did our impromptu Forest Park run. That was a good time, especially since I didn’t kill us cutting across 3 lanes of 64/40 to exit at the last second, oops. Dang, I miiiiiiissssssss that girrrrrrrl.

Oooh, it’s the cute boy in red again. Hi cute boy.

One loop around the park almost done. Should I stop for water now? Nah, I’m gonna knock out a little more of this, I feel pretty good.

Good old Steinberg skating rink. I can’t believe I agreed to go ice skating tonight. That’s gonna be interesting. When was the last time I was on ice skates? I think it was back in Chicago with Ally’s girl scout troop…so, 2008?!

Oh my, Lord, forgive me for saying this but that girl should NOT be wearing those pants. Yikes.

Alrighty, time for a break. Pomegranate sports beans, water, check the phone. 8 text messages! What’s happening here?! Scroll, scroll, scroll…I’ll respond to most of this later. Quick Facebook check…I’m getting chilly, time to get back at it and finish these last 5.5 miles.

Oh, look at the really fast girl running with those boys up there. I want to be like her…oh, wait, I KNOW her. That’s Marxkors! I really DO want to be like her (See blog post titled My Secret Girl Crush). I know ALL those people…its Seth Fagan and Jake Goldsborough. Umm, this isn’t facebook Linds, you probably don’t need to use their full names.

“Hey, are you guys gonna wait up for the slow girl?”

Seriously, did I not just say in a blog post on Monday, that Marxkors and I can randomly run into each other anywhere, but planning things just doesn’t work for us.

(I’m not one to slow people down, and I know my limitations, so I sent them on ahead after a little less than a mile. But thanks for letting me hang with you guys for ¾ of a mile or so. Seth later informed me that he could tell I was struggling to keep up when I was giving him one word answers to his questions. He’s right, I just don’t ever do that.)

And now back to my nice slow settled pace. ..

Yikes! Why is that guy wearing a neon orange Jason style hockey mask?! Speed up to get by him quickly. It’s a good thing it’s the middle of the day, otherwise seeing that guy in Forest Park, especially if it was getting dark out, might be really creepy.

Oh, geez, Pegasus girl is back. Ugh, it is seriously killing me to watch her run in those shoes. This is one of those times I wish I had a business card from the store to hand over to her.

More than 14 miles done and there’s the car. I’m at 14.81…I can’t stop here, I might as well just round it up and make it an even 15.

Funny, I’m going to finish this run listening to the same song that was playing when I started…

I’m gonna live like there’s no tomorrow, Love like I’m on borrowed time, It’s good to be alive…

Yep, it sure is.

AHHHHH! There are dinosaurs invading Forest Park!