{"id":795,"date":"2016-09-04T19:02:56","date_gmt":"2016-09-04T19:02:56","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.ramblingrunnergirl.com\/?p=795"},"modified":"2016-09-04T19:07:47","modified_gmt":"2016-09-04T19:07:47","slug":"dont-stop-at-pain","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.ramblingrunnergirl.com\/?p=795","title":{"rendered":"Don’t Stop at Pain"},"content":{"rendered":"

I wish I could take credit for the title, but I really can\u2019t. It came from someone I have a lot of respect for, but I\u2019ll get to that in a minute.<\/p>\n

Hi.\u00a0 Remember me?\u00a0 I\u2019m that girl who runs, and raises three kids and tries to do way too much at any given time like training for an Ironman while learning how to be a single mom.\u00a0 And when that\u2019s done I jump into writing a book and going to nursing school, while still trying to figure out how to be a single mom.\u00a0 Oh, and I write a blog about all of it.<\/p>\n

Anyway, it\u2019s been a while, so I figured I owed you all an update on how things have been going.\u00a0 And if I\u2019m being honest, I didn\u2019t want you to forget about your old pal RRG.<\/p>\n

Last time I wrote, I was kicking off my second semester of nursing school and continuing a course to help me write my book.\u00a0 Well, second semester proved to be a little more than I was ready for, so after a couple weeks, I decided to take a hiatus from the book and just focus on getting through school and keeping the kids alive.\u00a0 It was the right choice.\u00a0 The book will happen, just not right now. As Nancy, the book professor, agreed, any of my non-school time right now has to be devoted to my kids.<\/p>\n

It was a busy summer since I was in school 4 days a week and the kids were home, but we managed to carve out some quality time at the pool and go on some outings. Some days that consisted of the boys dragging the kayaks down to the lake while I sat nearby with my nose in a book, or a computer.\u00a0 Or on rainy days, the three of them would set up a board game at the dining room table and I was just a few steps away at my desk.\u00a0 But I think everyone was pretty happy with how the summer played out.\u00a0 And I really couldn\u2019t be more proud of how my kiddos handled it.\u00a0 A couple days a week I would have to go off to school while they were still sleeping, so I would leave a list of daily chores and without fail, the chores were done when I got home and everyone was ready to play.<\/p>\n

We were all rewarded at the end of the summer with a few days at a cabin in the woods near Table Rock Lake.\u00a0 Brian and I took all 4 kids to the cabin we stayed at in January, and I can\u2019t tell you how many times I heard, \u201cThank you for bringing us here!\u201d\u00a0 They loved it.\u00a0 We enjoyed endless ping-pong, swam in the lake, hunted for buried treasure, made s\u2019mores, laid on a blanket gazing at meteors, played board games, went sight-seeing, made good use of the hot tub despite a heat index of 100 the first day or so, belly laughed, snuggled and fought like family.\u00a0 I can think of no better way to celebrate coming through second semester on the Dean\u2019s List.\u00a0 My 4.0 is no longer intact due to an A- in Pharmacology, but I am learning to accept that sometimes survival trumps perfection, because sometimes perfection is found elsewhere.<\/p>\n

As of last Wednesday, we are all back in school.\u00a0 It was a staggered start with Ally on the 16th<\/sup> beginning 8th<\/sup> grade at a new (her first ever public) school, me on the 22nd<\/sup> and the boys on the 31st<\/sup>.\u00a0 This was the first time in several years that I got to see them all off to their first day of school.\u00a0 You may remember how much it tore me up the last couple of years to not pack their lunches and prep their backpacks and take pictures before driving them off to school since they were with their dad.\u00a0 So, to say that I was happy that everything aligned for that this year would be an understatement.<\/p>\n

With my clinicals really kicking off this semester, it\u2019s been a little stressful the way all of our schedules overlap, but as has been the case time and time again, I have great people in my life who step up to help where it\u2019s needed and ease the burden.\u00a0 For that, I am grateful.<\/p>\n

So, here we are at the end of week two of third semester.\u00a0 2 weeks.\u00a0 10 days.\u00a0 And I have already gone from the high of making the Dean\u2019s List a few weeks ago, to seriously doubting how anyone ever allowed me into nursing school.\u00a0 Third semester is kicking my butt.\u00a0 I know, I know, I said that last semester too.\u00a0 There is absolutely a learning curve that comes along with the beginning of a new semester, new classes, new instructors, new methods of teaching and testing.\u00a0 So, I should probably go easy on myself for the fact that my first few test scores haven\u2019t been as high as I would like.\u00a0 Yes, I still passed, but let\u2019s keep in mind that in nursing school anything less than 80% is failing.\u00a0 I think we all know by now I am not a fan of falling short of the mark.<\/p>\n

By midweek last week, I had hit a wall.\u00a0 By Thursday night, when I really blew it on an online charting assignment and had to email my program director, hoping and praying that she would reset it, I ended up falling asleep after many tears wondering if I should just quit.\u00a0 Give up.\u00a0 Find something else to do.\u00a0 I have never wanted to quit something so bad in my entire life as I did Thursday night.\u00a0 After the countless miles I have run, learning how to swim to become a triathlete, completing an Ironman, nothing has ever driven me to the point of wanting to totally throw in the towel like nursing school did.\u00a0 I felt overwhelmed, frustrated, completely defeated.\u00a0 I tried to convince myself that if I could just get through the first few weeks of this semester, it would get better.\u00a0 It had to.\u00a0 But even after getting some sleep, I woke up for Friday morning clinicals still doubting this path I have chosen.<\/p>\n

I was fighting back tears as I arrived at the nursing home Friday morning.\u00a0 Friday actually went better than expected.\u00a0 I am gaining confidence in the field, completing my assessments, building a rapport with some of my patients, bonding with my classmates.\u00a0 This is my niche, this part I\u2019ve got.\u00a0 But my head is still swimming with the what if\u2019s\u2026What if I drop the ball on an assignment?\u00a0 What if I fail this Med Surg\u00a0 test on Tuesday?\u00a0 What if I can\u2019t get past this semester?\u00a0 Should I just stop now, before it hurts even more? Before it gets even harder?<\/p>\n

After clinicals, a few of us went to Todd\u2019s Canteen right down the road from our facility.\u00a0 We talked and ate and shared our struggles.\u00a0 I felt better by the time I left, but the doubts in my head were still holding on.\u00a0 I got home to see Ally step off the bus, and then headed over to pick the boys up from school.\u00a0 It was an absolutely perfect September afternoon so the boys were asking to go to the park where several of their friends were going.\u00a0 Despite my desire to go home and bury my head under a pillow, I couldn\u2019t pass up the opportunity to let them play.\u00a0 So off to the park we went.\u00a0 I did my best to be social with the other moms even though I didn\u2019t really have the mental or emotional energy to.\u00a0 My battery was low.\u00a0 I knew I needed to recharge.\u00a0 I wasn\u2019t entirely sure that getting up to run 19 miles with the training team on Saturday morning would do it, but I knew I needed to give it a shot.<\/p>\n

I was asleep Friday night before the kids were, but I knew they were all at least quiet and settled.\u00a0 I crashed.\u00a0 And I was up and out the door before the sun came up, hoping that a good long run would be the therapy my soul was seeking.<\/p>\n

As a few hundred of us, clad in reflective gear and high tech watches and hydration items, gathered in the parking lot on the river front listening to coach Brandi give us a pre-run pep talk, she said, \u201cEventually you\u2019re going to hit the dark place.\u00a0 It\u2019s probably going to happen between miles 11-18, but be sure, it WILL happen.\u00a0 And you\u2019ve got to figure out what you\u2019re going to do to bring yourself through it.\u00a0 For some, it may be thinking about family, or the finish line, or\u2026\u201d and she listed off several other ideas.\u00a0 All I could think is that my whole life feels like a dark place right now.\u00a0 Nursing school-kicking my butt.\u00a0 As much as anything else in my life ever has.\u00a0 And we all know I\u2019ve taken a lot of butt kicking.<\/p>\n

But I know that I run because it reminds me that I can fight through the hard stuff.\u00a0 I DON\u2019T stop at the pain.\u00a0 It\u2019s not in my nature.\u00a0 We did a short warm up, took a group pic and off we went, down the Katy trail.\u00a0 As I ran with the group, I talked with friends, learning that several others hadn\u2019t been able to make it to many of the group runs lately either and had not put in the miles they should.\u00a0 That made me feel better about my own situation.\u00a0 My last and longest run lately was a 15 mile march of torture a few weeks ago during the summer of endless humidity that had me walking as much as running during the back half of those long, painful miles.\u00a0 So, I relaxed knowing that I was just going to do the best I could.\u00a0 I actually felt pretty good for most of it.\u00a0 At one point, around mile 8, I even reached what we call the runner\u2019s high.\u00a0 My endorphins were on fire and I felt like I could run forever.\u00a0 I knew it wouldn\u2019t hold out for the entire run, so I rode the wave of adrenaline while it lasted.\u00a0 It was brief.\u00a0 By mile 11.5 I was starting to drag.\u00a0 By mile 13, I was really looking forward to the 14 mile finish line of the first loop and being back at the red Fleet Feet tent to eat some sports beans and take a quick break before heading out for the last 5 miles.\u00a0 My body was tired, but my mind was already convinced (mostly) that I could do the whole 19 if I needed to.\u00a0 I was running with Joan and I had one earbud in listening to my ipod when Eminem came on and I heard the same words I\u2019ve heard a thousand times.\u00a0 But for some reason, they stood out to me this time.\u00a0 He said, \u201cYeah, it\u2019s been a ride.\u00a0 I guess I had to go to that place to get to this one.\u00a0 Now some of you might still be in that place.\u00a0 If you\u2019re trying to get out, just follow me.\u00a0 I\u2019ll get you there.\u201d<\/p>\n

And that\u2019s what did it.\u00a0 I did have to go to \u201cthat place to get to this one\u201d.\u00a0 But I\u2019m not stuck there anymore.\u00a0 Yes the voices in my head still pop back in for a visit sometimes, but they don\u2019t get to stay.\u00a0 I had temporarily forgotten that I am a leader and I know my way out, but a big thanks to Marshall Mathers for reminding me.\u00a0 At 14 miles when we got back to the tent, a couple people from our group were debating going out for the last 5.\u00a0 I could have topped off my mileage at 19 yesterday, but I decided to call it at 14.\u00a0 I recently decided to drop to the half marathon in October since its not my A-race and it\u2019s the day after my birthday when I have a wedding to go to.\u00a0 So, just…why? \u00a0I really don\u2019t need my mileage to be up at 19 yet since my marathon isn\u2019t until December 3, when I go to Memphis for St. Judes.\u00a0 I know I could have gutted it out and made 19 miles happen, but I also knew if I had, it would have been me trying to prove something.\u00a0 And I don\u2019t have anything to prove. \u00a0At least not to anyone other than myself. I opted for making a good decision for me.\u00a0 I\u2019d gotten my 14 miles in, it felt good, and then I went home to spend the day with my people.<\/p>\n

Between Friday and Saturday, I didn\u2019t get nearly as much studying done as I had hoped, but I have Sunday, and in this case the Monday holiday, to get prepped for Med Surg.<\/p>\n

Last night we went off to church and you can ask Ally or Brian who were sitting on either side of me, but I\u2019m pretty certain my face lit up when Pastor Rob announced that our guest speaker was David Hawkins, a tall skinny dude from East St Louis who has spoken at our church before.\u00a0 I absolutely love listening to him.\u00a0 His message was about trials, and it couldn\u2019t have been more perfectly timed.\u00a0 \u201cDon\u2019t stop at pain,\u201d he said and I felt like an arrow pierced right through my heart.\u00a0 Yeah, that\u2019s exactly what I was doing, I was stopping at pain.<\/p>\n

David spoke about a basketball player named Tim Duncan who grew up on St. Croix as an Olympic hopeful in swimming, but when Hurricane Hugo destroyed the facility he trained at, he was forced to find a new sport.\u00a0 With his 6\u201911\u201d frame, someone suggested basketball, which turned out to be the right call.\u00a0 Tim went on to be a force in the NBA.\u00a0 You should go look him up on Wikipedia, I\u2019ll still be here\u2026<\/p>\n

(Insert elevator music here)<\/p>\n

He\u2019s pretty amazing, right?\u00a0 Well, the point David made was that \u201cthe storm lead him to his destiny.\u201d\u00a0 The STORM lead him to his DESTINY.\u00a0 Just think, if I hadn\u2019t been through the storm of the last several years, would I be where I am right now?\u00a0 This is my destiny.\u00a0 Being a nurse is my destiny.\u00a0 And God has never let me go, not through any of it, and he won\u2019t let me go now.<\/p>\n

The other thing David said about pain, is that when you try to escape it, or try to push down pain, you also push down your hope, your faith, your dreams.<\/p>\n

Now, I don\u2019t know about you, but I\u2019ve done enough of that already.\u00a0 I won\u2019t let the pain stand in the way of what I\u2019m doing.\u00a0 I\u2019ve never been one to quit because of pain before, so I\u2019m sure not going to start now.\u00a0 Don\u2019t stop at pain. \u00a0Ride the highs, don\u2019t stop at the pain. I can\u2019t say it enough.\u00a0 In fact, I might just go write that on a post it and slap it on every one of my nursing books.\u00a0 And in my car.\u00a0 And on my mirror.\u00a0 Persevere, Lindsey, and Don\u2019t stop at pain!<\/p>\n

And now, if you\u2019ll excuse me, Med Surg is calling.<\/p>\n

\"Fleet<\/a>

Fleet Feet Training Team…Ready, Set, Go!<\/p><\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I wish I could take credit for the title, but I really can\u2019t. It came from someone I have a lot of respect for, but I\u2019ll get to that in a minute. Hi.\u00a0 Remember me?\u00a0 I\u2019m that girl who runs, and raises three kids and tries to do way too much at any given time […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"aside","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[11,9,5],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-795","post","type-post","status-publish","format-aside","hentry","category-conquering-fears","category-lessonsfromrunning","category-randomthoughts","post_format-post-format-aside"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p4eO4v-cP","_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.ramblingrunnergirl.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/795","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.ramblingrunnergirl.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.ramblingrunnergirl.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.ramblingrunnergirl.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.ramblingrunnergirl.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=795"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"http:\/\/www.ramblingrunnergirl.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/795\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":800,"href":"http:\/\/www.ramblingrunnergirl.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/795\/revisions\/800"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.ramblingrunnergirl.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=795"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.ramblingrunnergirl.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=795"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.ramblingrunnergirl.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=795"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}