{"id":779,"date":"2016-02-12T22:18:43","date_gmt":"2016-02-12T22:18:43","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.ramblingrunnergirl.com\/?p=779"},"modified":"2016-02-12T22:25:55","modified_gmt":"2016-02-12T22:25:55","slug":"what-the-heart-needs","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.ramblingrunnergirl.com\/?p=779","title":{"rendered":"What the Heart Needs"},"content":{"rendered":"

It\u2019s the middle of February and Valentine\u2019s Day is upon us, so you can probably guess what this post is about. Yes, Love.\u00a0 But before you roll your eyes, or run away screaming, just bear with me for a bit.\u00a0 I guarantee I\u2019m not going where you think I am with that.<\/p>\n

I\u2019m not gonna lie, the first 6 weeks of 2016 have been tough. I didn\u2019t even blend a family and I can tell you that this blended family thing is haaaaard.\u00a0 Going through a divorce, hard.\u00a0 Learning to be a single parent, hard.\u00a0 Helping my kids (and myself) through the transition of their dad getting remarried, I had no idea.<\/p>\n

I\u2019ve been saying it all along, my head knows that nothing, absolutely NO-THING, can replace me as my kiddos\u2019 mom. My head has had that thought on repeat for the past couple of months. \u00a0I just wish my heart would catch up to the idea.\u00a0 Every other Thursday when my babies leave for the weekend with their dad, my heart breaks a little, knowing that they are not only spending that time with their dad, but also growing a relationship with another mother figure.<\/p>\n

Don\u2019t get me wrong, I WANT them to have a relationship with their step-mom. And I want them to be close with her.\u00a0 But I would be lying if I said it didn\u2019t hurt somewhat.<\/p>\n

So, as we\u2019ve been riding the rollercoaster of learning how to do this, I\u2019ve tried to remind myself to find what my heart needs.<\/p>\n

A couple weeks ago, knowing that I needed a break from the familiar everyday reminders of what life is now, Brian and I loaded up the car for a weekend in the woods. We drove to Table Rock Lake and spent a blissful weekend, with shockingly high temps for January, hiking, watching the sunset, playing pool and ping-pong (I went down gloriously at both) and sitting by the fireplace drinking wine.\u00a0 It was perfect.\u00a0 It was exactly what my heart, and my head, needed.<\/p>\n

While it would be really nice to just jump in the car and drive to a cabin in the woods whenever I felt the anxiety or the sadness or the frustration start to overwhelm me, that\u2019s just not realistic. Fortunately, I do have an old friend, that never lets me down when I need a break from reality.\u00a0 His name is running.\u00a0 He will go the distance with me, or if I don\u2019t have time for a long visit, short and sweet works for him too.\u00a0 The other day, we got another brief break from the cold of January, and while I only had time for 3 short miles, running came through.\u00a0 It was one of those perfect experiences where my feet felt light, my lungs felt full and my heart felt happy.<\/p>\n

So, back to the whole Valentine\u2019s Day thing. February 14, to a lot of people, is really just another day. \u00a0A Hallmark Holiday. I totally get that.\u00a0 But for me, it\u2019s undeniably special.\u00a0 This Sunday, while couples all over the world are exchanging flowers and chocolates (Yes, I have something for my sweetie, too) I will actually be celebrating the 13th<\/sup> anniversary of the day I became a mom.<\/p>\n

I say all the time that God knew exactly what he was doing when He gave me Ally first. I also say that if Silas had been first, he would probably be an only child, but that\u2019s beside the point.<\/p>\n

Ally becomes a teenager on Sunday. My baby girl, who was the best Valentine ever, is about to turn 13.\u00a0 With this milestone, it\u2019s hard not to be even more reflective that usual.\u00a0 13 is a big deal.<\/p>\n

But here\u2019s the hard part. This Sunday, Ally will wake up at my house and we\u2019ll have cake for breakfast cause that\u2019s how we roll.\u00a0 And then she will go back to her dad\u2019s and spend the rest of the day there, because that\u2019s how the custody schedule works.<\/p>\n

Fortunately, I get tomorrow with her, so we\u2019ll get pedicures and drink Starbucks and I will probably even take her shopping (her choice, not mine). I\u2019ve wrapped her presents and I\u2019m working on her requested One Direction birthday cake.\u00a0 I\u2019m open to ideas on that one.\u00a0 Anyone?<\/p>\n

But then she will go and spend the rest of the weekend with her other family, the one I\u2019m not a part of. I will be ok.\u00a0 This is something that it took me a while to get used to, because anyone who knows me at all, knows that I LOVE Birthdays.\u00a0 Seriously, I love them.\u00a0 I make a huge deal out of them.\u00a0 My mom always does the same, so I come by it honestly.\u00a0 But I will be ok.\u00a0 Because I know what my heart needs.\u00a0 My heart just needs to be reminded that I am her mom and I always will be.<\/p>\n

There\u2019s a quote by Elizabeth Stone that goes, \u201cMaking a decision to have a child\u2014it\u2019s momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body.\u201d<\/p>\n

My heart turns 13 on Sunday, and even though she won\u2019t be with me all day, she will be well loved, by many. I can\u2019t help but think about the song I used to sing to her as a baby.\u00a0 I would sit and hold her and sing to her.\u00a0 I would keep singing long after her eyes would close and she would drift off to sleep.<\/p>\n

The song begins, \u201cYou\u2019re a little piece of heaven, You\u2019re a golden ray of light, And I wish I could protect you from the worries of this life\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

Since I can’t sing you the whole song, you can check it out here<\/a>.<\/p>\n

She\u2019s still my little piece of heaven, and now she is a BOLD golden ray of light that shines brighter all the time. No matter how old she gets, I will always want to protect her.\u00a0 As she crosses the threshold of 13, I know that so many heartbreaks are right around the corner for her, but she is strong and I will walk with her through anything.\u00a0 I could not be more proud of the person she is and who she is becoming.\u00a0 She is so beautiful, inside and out.\u00a0 She is smart, and determined, and loving, and thoughtful and she is not afraid to stand up for herself.<\/p>\n

I know my heart will be ok, because even when it wonders off, it always comes back. And I know who is holding my heart in His hands.\u00a0 Because He knows what my heart needs even before I do.<\/p>\n

There are seasons in life that are hard, it\u2019s just that simple. But even during those times, the heart will find what it needs if you let it.\u00a0 It\u2019s in the moments when the sun is shining, or when the wind is at your back, when your feet feel light and your heart is happy.\u00a0 Eventually it will be 13 years later and you\u2019ll look back to realize you don\u2019t even remember the pain, all you can see is the beauty that came from it.\u00a0 And all that remains is love.<\/p>\n

Happy 13th<\/sup> Birthday, Little Al.<\/p>\n

\"Happy<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

It\u2019s the middle of February and Valentine\u2019s Day is upon us, so you can probably guess what this post is about. Yes, Love.\u00a0 But before you roll your eyes, or run away screaming, just bear with me for a bit.\u00a0 I guarantee I\u2019m not going where you think I am with that. I\u2019m not gonna […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"aside","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[7,8,1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-779","post","type-post","status-publish","format-aside","hentry","category-onbeingasingleparent","category-onthedword","category-uncategorized","post_format-post-format-aside"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p4eO4v-cz","_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.ramblingrunnergirl.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/779","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.ramblingrunnergirl.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.ramblingrunnergirl.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.ramblingrunnergirl.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.ramblingrunnergirl.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=779"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"http:\/\/www.ramblingrunnergirl.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/779\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":783,"href":"http:\/\/www.ramblingrunnergirl.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/779\/revisions\/783"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.ramblingrunnergirl.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=779"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.ramblingrunnergirl.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=779"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.ramblingrunnergirl.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=779"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}