Ya know those moments in life where you\u2019re just kinda cruising along and you start thinking to yourself, \u201cHey, I\u2019m doing alright. I totally got this.\u201d\u00a0 And then there\u2019s a shift in the wind and suddenly you\u2019re like, \u201cOh, wait\u2026Welcome to the unknown\u201d \u00a0\u00a0Or should I say, welcome back to the unknown?<\/p>\n
I\u2019ve been a single mom for a little over three years now. It\u2019s been a bigger challenge than I ever could have imagined.\u00a0 But I have my days where I\u2019m like, \u201cOh yeah, I \u2018ve got this down.\u00a0 I\u2019m totally kicking butt. No problem.\u201d\u00a0 Our weekly schedule is a little crazy, especially on Wednesdays when it looks like this: Out the door by 7:45am with lunches in hand and the crockpot set for dinner, drop the kids at school by 8, drive the hour in traffic to the Central West End and pray that I can find rock star street parking not more than a few blocks from the hospital, walk (or run) into Siteman for my externship hours, at the stroke of 4:00 bolt back to the car, the kids have been picked up by a friend and dropped at home for Ally to be in charge until I get there, drive the hour back to Wildwood, burst in the door (by 5pm if I\u2019m lucky) hoping that homework is done and Silas is at least partially changed for soccer practice, change clothes, sign off on homework, shovel food down the kids throats, try to remember to eat something myself, leave again by 5:40 to get Silas to practice in the valley by 6 (tonight we snuck a quick stop in to their grandparents\u2019 house to pick up some of Ally\u2019s forgotten items), drive across the valley to drop Ally at the church for youth group, drive back over to the ballfields so I can get in a quick couple miles before practice ends at 7:15, drive home, put Silas in the shower, clean up the kitchen, finish the homework, go pick Ally up from youth group by 8:30 (I lucked out tonight and she got a ride home), get Silas into bed, get Ethan into bed, sink down into a chair somewhere and finally take a breath.<\/p>\n
Wow. That\u2019s a day.\u00a0 But I\u2019ve gotten somewhat accustomed to the craziness and doing it *mostly* on my own.\u00a0 I\u2019ve very thankful for my villiagers who help how they can.\u00a0 But I\u2019m used to being on a minute to minute schedule most days.\u00a0 And, if I do say so myself, I\u2019m doing alright. \u00a0Not perfect mind you, but alright.\u00a0 I\u2019m keeping the boat afloat.<\/p>\n
So here we are going along, doing our thing, but yesterday Silas threw me for a little bit of a loop. After not seeing the kids all weekend, I arrived home to hugs and chaos.\u00a0 After about a minute, Silas said, \u201cHey Mom!\u00a0 Guess whaaaaat?\u201d with the last part of the word going up a few notes in that sing-songy way that kids do when they want to spill the beans.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWe have some news!\u201d<\/p>\n
My mind was spinning with, \u2018Oh please let him say he lost another tooth, or they had pizza for lunch, or something\u2026\u2019 but I already knew what he was about to say.<\/p>\n
\u201cOn Saturday\u2026Dad engaged Katie!\u201d He was beaming.\u00a0 I was too, just because of how cute he was with his verbiage.<\/p>\n
\u201cOh yeah? Your dad proposed to Katie? Are you excited?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYes!\u201d<\/p>\n
I sat with that a minute. I wasn\u2019t surprised in the least.\u00a0 Even though they started dating around March of this year, I fully expected things would go quickly.\u00a0 Call it gut instinct, women\u2019s intuition, whatever.\u00a0 I really was ok with it.\u00a0 But I\u2019m still processing the fact that my kids are about to have several members added to their family, people who I really don\u2019t even know.\u00a0 That\u2019s kind of weird.\u00a0 Kind of like that change in the wind I mentioned earlier.\u00a0 Katie currently lives in Iowa with her 3 kids.\u00a0 They will be married and moved in by Christmas.\u00a0 Maybe instead of a light breeze, that\u2019s more like a big gust.<\/p>\n
Tonight after dropping Ally at youth group I drove back over to the Chesterfield Athletic complex where Silas was at practice. I had plans to get in a couple miles on the levee if I could scrounge up a headlamp in the car. I pulled the car into an empty space, pilfered through the running bag I keep in back, scored a headlamp with non-dead batteries and had all of 35 minutes until practice would end. It was still light enough when I started but the sun was already beneath the horizon, so I knew it was only a matter of time.\u00a0 My first mile out, with the wind at my back, seemed easy and my feet cruised along the old familiar path.\u00a0 At a mile and a half, I turned back to wind in my face and it got darker with each step.\u00a0 I turned on the headlamp, which helped a little, but since I was also wearing a visor, some of the light was blocked.\u00a0 Oh well, I would adjust.\u00a0 I was dealing with the challenges, but I was still doing just fine.\u00a0 My mind went back to a conversation with Ethan last night at bed time.<\/p>\n
As I was tucking him in, he was telling me that Katie\u2019s youngest would be in his class since they are less than a year apart in age.<\/p>\n
I said, \u201cYou\u2019re pretty excited, aren\u2019t you?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYes!\u201d He responded. After a pause, he leaned over the top bunk to look at me, with a big smile and concerned eyes, he asked, \u201cAre you, Mom?\u00a0 Are you excited?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAm I\u2026um, what? Excited?\u00a0 Uh\u2026\u201d\u00a0 I admit I wasn\u2019t very graceful in the moment, I mean how in the world do you answer that?\u00a0 But I recovered fairly quickly.\u00a0 \u201cBud, if you are happy, then I am happy.\u00a0 I\u2019m glad you are excited.\u201d<\/p>\n
He smiled. I smiled.\u00a0 Then I kissed him on the top of his head, as is our custom, and said \u201cGood-night, bud, I love you.\u201d<\/p>\n
So, during my run tonight, I was thinking. Am I excited?\u00a0 No, that\u2019s not the word.\u00a0 How do I feel?\u00a0I\u2019m not upset in any way.\u00a0 It\u2019s weird, for sure, to think about it.\u00a0 And like I said, I\u2019m still processing.\u00a0 But I\u2019m ok.\u00a0 It creates a new dynamic, like wind or running in the dark, but it\u2019s nothing I can\u2019t handle.\u00a0 It will take some getting used to, but we\u2019ll adjust and in time it will just be what we\u2019re all used to.<\/p>\n
As Silas\u2019 team came back into view, the lights of the field were much brighter than my headlamp. I could see them down on the field, running, playing, having fun.\u00a0 And I thought, \u201cI really do just want my kids to be happy and taken care of.\u00a0\u00a0 And if they have one more person (or several) in their lives to love them, then that just adds to their happiness.\u00a0 As a single parent, all you can really hope for is that if your former spouse finds someone to share your children with, that this new person is good to your kids.\u00a0 It\u2019s the ultimate in letting go of control.\u00a0 And it\u2019s ok if I\u2019m not always graceful when I feel like I\u2019m running into the wind, in the dark.\u00a0 I\u2019ll adjust, and recover, and keep going.<\/p>\n
As I neared the end of my run, I found myself praying\u2026<\/p>\n
God, help me with forgiveness. Help me continue to let go of what I thought my life should look like and help me to be gracious, always. God, Bless the union that is going to bring two families together and please protect my babies in that.\u00a0 And God\u2026bless the woman who is about to take on the new challenge of being a step-mother to my 3 amazing kiddos, carry her as she enters unfamiliar territory. \u00a0And guide her when she feels like she\u2019s alone in the dark.\u00a0 Show her grace and mercy and remind her that she isn\u2019t alone.<\/p>\n
As I prayed I noticed a lump forming in my throat. I know exactly what to pray for her, because it\u2019s what I pray for me all the time.<\/p>\n
It\u2019s tough to run and cry at the same time, it really just makes you start to hyperventilate.<\/p>\n
And God\u2026please help me to remember to breathe.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Ya know those moments in life where you\u2019re just kinda cruising along and you start thinking to yourself, \u201cHey, I\u2019m doing alright. I totally got this.\u201d\u00a0 And then there\u2019s a shift in the wind and suddenly you\u2019re like, \u201cOh, wait\u2026Welcome to the unknown\u201d \u00a0\u00a0Or should I say, welcome back to the unknown? I\u2019ve been a […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"aside","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[9,7,8,5],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-755","post","type-post","status-publish","format-aside","hentry","category-lessonsfromrunning","category-onbeingasingleparent","category-onthedword","category-randomthoughts","post_format-post-format-aside"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p4eO4v-cb","_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.ramblingrunnergirl.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/755","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.ramblingrunnergirl.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.ramblingrunnergirl.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.ramblingrunnergirl.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.ramblingrunnergirl.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=755"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"http:\/\/www.ramblingrunnergirl.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/755\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":756,"href":"http:\/\/www.ramblingrunnergirl.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/755\/revisions\/756"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.ramblingrunnergirl.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=755"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.ramblingrunnergirl.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=755"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.ramblingrunnergirl.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=755"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}