I\u2019m tired.\u00a0 I\u2019m so tired.<\/p>\n
Last week after working all 3 days of the holiday weekend, I had just a couple hours of quiet time before being launched into a 23 day stint of having my kids Every. Single. Day.<\/p>\n
Their dad is litigating a trial in Florida this month so he really isn\u2019t able to come back at all.\u00a0 And so here we are in the midst of that. And I am exhausted.<\/p>\n
Now, don\u2019t get me wrong, I love having them full time.\u00a0 But as any parent knows, kids are a lot of work.\u00a0 And as any single parent will tell you, there is something to be said for shared custody.\u00a0 It\u2019s called\u2026getting a break.\u00a0 My break will come in July when the kids go on vacation with their dad for a week, but until then, pure exhaustion.<\/p>\n
The first week of summer vacation went by with a flourish.\u00a0 We did trips to the pool, a visit to the library, and our \u201cadventure day\u201d at the zoo.\u00a0 We\u2019ve done play dates here and play dates there.\u00a0 On Friday while I worked, the kids spent the whole day at 6 Flags with friends.\u00a0 And even with all that activity, the \u201cI\u2019m Bored\u201d Board that we created has been getting lots of use.<\/p>\n
But training doesn\u2019t exactly stop because of the custody arrangement and a lack of school.\u00a0 My workouts have been fewer and farther between, but I\u2019ve been making them count.<\/p>\n
On Saturday, I had a sitter come bright and early so I could help coach the Fleet Feet trail group.\u00a0 I ran a 6 mile loop with my \u201cGrizzly Bears\u201d and then, since I was there and had some time, I continued on for several more miles.\u00a0 Today while the kids were at camp I rode 50 miles on the bike, followed by a 3 mile run, in the heat of the day.\u00a0 So, I guess I can\u2019t blame my fatigue entirely on my children.<\/p>\n
On Saturday, while I was running, I felt great.\u00a0 I felt amazing.\u00a0 I felt like I could run forever.\u00a0 As Brian so aptly pointed out to me, there is something to be said for rest.\u00a0 True.\u00a0 With the exception of a 1.5 mile run around the lake with Ethan the day before, this was my first form of exercise since my run Monday evening between dinner with Brian and the kids coming back to me.\u00a0 My legs were fresh and I was so ready to tear up the trails.<\/p>\n
After a nice, easy paced 6 mile loop with my group, I went on to complete the long course.\u00a0 One of the girls from Rosie\u2019s group joined me for a couple miles.\u00a0 I distinctly remember talking about how trail running is how I forget about the numbers and get back to my love of running.\u00a0 Sometimes you just have to leave the Garmin at home and run, but not necessarily when you need to get in specific mileage.\u00a0 About that time, Andy hooked up with us from a different part of the trail.\u00a0 We ran to the stairs and when they headed up to the bluff, I headed out into the flats to cover some additional ground.\u00a0 Andy warned me that it would be muddy, he was right.\u00a0 I only went about a mile in and decided it wasn\u2019t worth fighting the clay that was causing me to slide around uncontrollably.\u00a0 So I turned back and at about 9.5 miles my Garmin beeped. \u201cLow Battery\u201d.\u00a0 What?!\u00a0 It was charged to 100%.\u00a0 Eh, no worries, I should still be able to finish off this run before it dies.\u00a0 Or so I thought. ..<\/p>\n
I got back to the stairs and started the climb.\u00a0 I was not terribly disappointed that a large group of Boy Scouts was coming down the stairs, forcing me to slow down as I ascended the narrow stairway.\u00a0 About halfway up, I picked up the pace to the top.\u00a0 I took in the view for a second as I caught my breath and then continued on along the ridge.\u00a0 I kept checking my Garmin, it hadn\u2019t beeped again so I thought surely the battery wasn\u2019t too low.\u00a0 I stopped at one of the overlooks and took a quick picture.\u00a0 As soon as I started running again, I glanced at my Garmin and found the screen blank.\u00a0 Mocking me.\u00a0 \u201cReally, Lindsey?\u00a0 How is that no Garmin thing working out for you now?\u201d<\/p>\n
And the calculations began.\u00a0 Last I had checked I was at 10.25ish.\u00a0 And from where I was on the bluff, I had just about a mile back to the parking lot.\u00a0 I got back to the car, left the extra weight of the watch there, and took a Gu and an extra swing of water.\u00a0 I was estimating that I was at just over 11 miles at that point.\u00a0 I needed to do 16.\u00a0 But I felt ok about going a little further.\u00a0 So I decided to go\u00a0back to the 6 mile loop I had done earlier with the Grizzlies.\u00a0 I wasn\u2019t as familiar with that part of the park and Andy had asked us to take down the pink ribbons he\u2019d used to mark the trail, but I was pretty sure I could figure it out.\u00a0 A couple times I was a little unsure that I was on the right path, but then I\u2019d see a landmark that would remind me, Oh right, this is where we were when I was telling Sheila the story of being rescued off a mountain in South Africa.\u00a0 (Yes, that has actually happened.\u00a0 It\u2019s a story for another time.)<\/p>\n
Eventually I made my way down the hill, across the road and headed for the creek.\u00a0 I wasn\u2019t super stoked about the creek crossing the first time since it was still so early in my run, but the second time through, with only a mile to go and the heat rising, the cold creek water felt amazing.\u00a0 I wound around by the creek on Grotpeter Trail for that last mile and finally slowed to a walk in the parking lot.\u00a0 It was weird to look at my wrist and just see flesh where the Garmin would normally be.\u00a0 No stop button to hit.\u00a0 I estimated a total mileage somewhere around 17.5.\u00a0 It was one of those rare days that I felt so good I wanted to keep going.\u00a0 But since my sitter needed me to be home so she could go to a wedding, I was out of time.<\/p>\n
Not all workouts come that easy though.\u00a0 Today I did a 50 mile ride.\u00a0 My longest solo ride ever.\u00a0 My second longest ride ever.\u00a0 Second only to the 56 miles I rode during the Racine half Ironman last July.\u00a0 Something about being in a race setting makes it easier to go the distance.\u00a0 The crowd, the adrenaline, the support crew at the aid stations.\u00a0 And all the other athletes doing the race with you.\u00a0 But today, I was on my own.<\/p>\n
I set out on my bike in Rockwood Reservation and within the first mile I was already making excuses to cut my ride short.\u00a0 It went something like this\u2026I don\u2019t really need to go 50 miles today do I?\u00a0 45 should be plenty.\u00a0 40 would be good.\u00a0 30 is still ok, I\u2019ll stop there.\u00a0 I could just do 25, or 20, get in a quick run and then have a nice relaxing afternoon at the pool.\u00a0 Wait\u2026WHAT?!\u00a0 Lindsey, c\u2019mon!\u00a0 Get with it.\u00a0 You\u2019re in this for the long haul today.\u00a0 Who knows when you\u2019ll have another whole day to do this.<\/p>\n
I was strong for a while, and then the mind games would start again.\u00a0 Then I saw a mama deer and her baby.\u00a0 I was constantly being pelted by the butterflies that seemed to be raining up from the pavement.\u00a0 I almost crashed when a squirrel darted out in front of my tire.\u00a0 I chuckled at the muskrats hustling across the road.\u00a0 I could have done without the dead armadillo sighting.<\/p>\n
By that last mile, my back hurt.\u00a0 My feet hurt. (I desperately need new cycling shoes)\u00a0 My face was salty and gritty. \u00a0I was slimy from sweat mixed with sunscreen.\u00a0 \u00a0My shoulders were covered with bug guts.\u00a0 Gross.<\/p>\n
I changed my shoes, exchanged my helmet for a visor, ditched my gloves and locked my bike to the car.\u00a0 And then I took off for a run.\u00a0 First mile, sub 9 minute pace, I was so happy to be in running shoes.\u00a0 Second mile, I was going up a slight grade so I was a little slower.\u00a0 Third mile, the shade was gone.\u00a0 I needed water.\u00a0 I wanted this to be over.\u00a0 I actually ran past my car with a half mile to go.\u00a0 The desire to quit and just jump in the car was over-powering.\u00a0 But I kept going.\u00a0 One foot in front of the other.\u00a0 Why?\u00a0 Because my heart is stronger than my body.\u00a0 And my mind.<\/p>\n
Why do I do this?\u00a0 Why do I torment myself with training for something as grueling as an Ironman?\u00a0 Because life is hard.\u00a0 Because even though I know that my legs are capable of carrying me anywhere I want to go, my mind is the thing that shows up with the doubts of \u201ccan you REALLY do this?\u201d\u00a0 And that\u2019s when my heart has to prove that it\u2019s the strongest part of me.<\/p>\n
I say it all the time, what I lack in speed and ability, I make up for it with heart and determination.\u00a0 I train for marathons, for triathlons, for an Ironman because it reminds me that no matter what I can keep going.<\/p>\n
I will get through these 23 days with my kids.\u00a0 And then it will be over.\u00a0 And then I\u2019ll wake up and they\u2019ll be in college.\u00a0 Sometimes the hard parts seem like they will last forever, but they won\u2019t.\u00a0 And deep down I know this, even when my brain tries to make me doubt it.<\/p>\n
So, that\u2019s why I train.\u00a0 To remind myself that my legs are strong, but my heart is stronger.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
I\u2019m tired.\u00a0 I\u2019m so tired. Last week after working all 3 days of the holiday weekend, I had just a couple hours of quiet time before being launched into a 23 day stint of having my kids Every. Single. Day. Their dad is litigating a trial in Florida this month so he really isn\u2019t able […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"aside","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[5],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-633","post","type-post","status-publish","format-aside","hentry","category-randomthoughts","post_format-post-format-aside"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p4eO4v-ad","_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.ramblingrunnergirl.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/633","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.ramblingrunnergirl.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.ramblingrunnergirl.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.ramblingrunnergirl.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.ramblingrunnergirl.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=633"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"http:\/\/www.ramblingrunnergirl.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/633\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":636,"href":"http:\/\/www.ramblingrunnergirl.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/633\/revisions\/636"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.ramblingrunnergirl.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=633"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.ramblingrunnergirl.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=633"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.ramblingrunnergirl.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=633"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}