The other day when I left work, I was desperately in need of a run.\u00a0 After a crazy weekend of working the GO! St. Louis Marathon Expo, Trivia Night at the kids school that went until 11pm, the Home Depot kids workshop, Ethan\u2019s baseball game and driving all over God\u2019s green earth, I was ready for some solitude.\u00a0 Throw into that the fact that my anxiety was at an all time high in anticipation of a pending meeting on Monday.\u00a0 To say that I needed the calming effects of endorphins would be an understatement.<\/p>\n
Sometimes when I \u201cneed\u201d a run like that, there are certain places I go.\u00a0 When I\u2019m angry or frustrated, I need hills.\u00a0 Those are the times I run Babler.\u00a0 Sometimes I just need to run fast and furious with no one around.\u00a0 Those are the times I go to the \u201csecret place\u201d.\u00a0 But on Sunday, I was in search of peace.\u00a0 There is one place that has been like my second home since I moved to St. Louis a few years ago.\u00a0 It\u2019s my safe place.\u00a0 Ironically, back in the days where my physical home didn\u2019t feel safe, I would go lose myself in the woods and I felt like the scariness of the world would just melt away.\u00a0 In light of the anxiety I was facing on Sunday, I needed Castlewood.<\/p>\n
What is it about running that makes me feel like I can solve all the world\u2019s problems?\u00a0 Endorphins? Maybe.\u00a0 Perspective?\u00a0 Absolutely.<\/p>\n
I\u2019ve had a lot of conversations about perspective lately.\u00a0 The first of which was on my short, spontaneous run with Kristen a few weeks ago.\u00a0 I said, \u201cUgh.\u00a0 I feel fat and out of shape.\u201d\u00a0 Her response was something like, \u201cI know you aren\u2019t where you want to be, but most people would kill to be in the shape you\u2019re in.\u201d\u00a0 She was right.\u00a0 I knew it.<\/p>\n
Last week I joined Steve for a bike ride through the extreme hills of West County.\u00a0 In reference to the 112 miles I will face in November at the Ironman, he yelled, \u201cHey, 10 Miles.\u00a0 Only 102 more to go!\u201d\u00a0 I said, \u201cYou have 10 miles?\u00a0 I only have 9.\u201d\u00a0 He responded, \u201cEh, 9, 10, whatever.\u201d\u00a0 True, when you\u2019re talking about 112 miles, what\u2019s another mile more or less?<\/p>\n
So, on Sunday, Barb and I closed up shop at FLEET FEET Town & Country and in the parking lot we parted ways bidding each other a good run.\u00a0 As I drove down Manchester, I changed from my work shoes into my trail shoes.\u00a0 And on Reis Road, I did a quick change of my shirt at a stop sign. \u00a0I threw my visor back on my head and strapped my Garmin on my wrist.\u00a0 By the time I pulled into the third parking lot on the right in Castlewood, I was pretty much ready to roll.\u00a0 I set my ipod, locked up the car and I was off.<\/p>\n
I had a route mapped out in my head that would give me about 8 miles.\u00a0 But as I have often said, things don\u2019t always go the way we plan.\u00a0 I started running out the road, under the railroad tracks and made a sharp left onto the trail to run the River Scene.\u00a0 After about half a mile, I started hitting water where the river had breached its banks.\u00a0 Now, I\u2019m all for getting muddy, and I\u2019ve run through the creek at Castlewood so many times I\u2019ve lost count, but this was totally impassable.\u00a0 I started climbing on downed trees and crossed one like a balance beam before I decided this was going to be more trouble that it was worth.\u00a0 I was there to run, not lead an expedition.\u00a0 So I went back across the tree, jumped to dry ground and proceeded back the way I had just come from.<\/p>\n
I got out to the road and headed out to the river along the railroad tracks.\u00a0 I was aimed for the stairs.\u00a0 I was planning to stay along the river if it was reasonable and head out into more of the flats, or run up the stairs if it was too flooded.\u00a0 About halfway to the stairs I was met with a total flood.\u00a0 Drat.\u00a0 I had to turn back\u2026again.\u00a0 So I ran back along the railroad tracks, across the field, along the river as long as I could and then back up the road to the parking lot where my car sat.\u00a0 I had only gone 3 miles.\u00a0 This run was not over yet.<\/p>\n
I pushed myself up Lone Wolf hill.\u00a0 I\u2019m used to starting out on that hill when my legs are fresh, not fatigued from a full weekend of activities plus a 3 mile warm up.\u00a0 My steps were short and slow, my lungs wanted to explode, but in true RRG fashion I reminded myself, I don\u2019t walk.\u00a0 The reward at the top of the bluff always makes it worth it.\u00a0 I ran along the ridge to the top of the stairs.\u00a0 I paused my Garmin, walked out to the overlook and took in the scene.<\/p>\n
The Missouri landscape is beginning to turn green again from the vast amount of rain that has been dumped on us already this month.\u00a0 You know what they say, \u201cApril showers\u2026\u201d\u00a0 More like April showers accompanied by multiple trips to the bomb shelter in the basement while the tornado sirens scream at us several times a day.\u00a0 But I digress.<\/p>\n
From the overlook I could see the swollen river, bursting over its banks into the woods that I cherish so much.\u00a0 It was obvious from that vantage point that the route I had been considering all day was, in reality, not an option.<\/p>\n
What\u2019s the saying about the forest and the trees?\u00a0 You can\u2019t see the forest through the trees?\u00a0 Something like that.\u00a0 The point is I had to do that literally<\/i>, in order to get it figuratively<\/i>.<\/p>\n
Sometimes we map out in our heads what things are \u201csupposed\u201d to look like and when they don\u2019t go exactly that way we freak out.<\/p>\n
True, my training for Ironman Arizona has so far not been what I pictured.\u00a0 I thought I\u2019d be running a marathon at the end of this month, but since I accomplished my longest pain-free run of the year yesterday totaling 8 miles, we all know that a marathon is not in the cards for me this spring.\u00a0 Yeah, that sucks.\u00a0 But there are other, more important things that require my attention right now.<\/p>\n
Like that meeting on Monday.\u00a0 I stressed about it.\u00a0 I cried about it.\u00a0 As parents we always want to do right by our kids.\u00a0 We hold their bright, amazing, wonderful little futures in the palm of our hands.\u00a0 What if I make the wrong choice?\u00a0 Will I screw him up even more than I already have?\u00a0 What IS the right choice?\u00a0 We agonize over the decisions we have to make for our babies so that we can set them up to succeed.\u00a0 But what if we fail them?\u00a0 Well, what if they fail?\u00a0 Will we love them any less?\u00a0 Of course not.\u00a0 So if I fail one of my own, will they love me any less?\u00a0 Uh, maybe.\u00a0 In the short term anyway.\u00a0 I haven\u2019t hit the teenage years yet, but I\u2019m sure there will be days my kids definitely will not love me when we get there.<\/p>\n
I left that meeting with a line from a movie ringing in my head, one that I\u2019ve quoted before.\u00a0 At the end of Bye Bye Love, Vic says, something to point out that all we can really do is just love our kids the best we can.\u00a0 \u201cThat\u2019s all, just love \u2018em.\u201d<\/p>\n
Nothing about the path of parenthood has looked anything like the picture I had mapped out in my head.\u00a0 And this is just one of many times that I will question what is the right thing to do.\u00a0 The reality is I will fail my kids on occasion.\u00a0 But in those moments where the path gets blocked and I have to turn back or go a different direction, I hope that just like on Sunday, I am ultimately led to a place where I can reap the benefits of seeing the bigger picture.\u00a0 And hopefully, I will allow myself to pause for a minute to see the forest, not just the trees.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
The other day when I left work, I was desperately in need of a run.\u00a0 After a crazy weekend of working the GO! St. Louis Marathon Expo, Trivia Night at the kids school that went until 11pm, the Home Depot kids workshop, Ethan\u2019s baseball game and driving all over God\u2019s green earth, I was ready […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"aside","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[5],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-624","post","type-post","status-publish","format-aside","hentry","category-randomthoughts","post_format-post-format-aside"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p4eO4v-a4","_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.ramblingrunnergirl.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/624","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.ramblingrunnergirl.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.ramblingrunnergirl.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.ramblingrunnergirl.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.ramblingrunnergirl.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=624"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"http:\/\/www.ramblingrunnergirl.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/624\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":625,"href":"http:\/\/www.ramblingrunnergirl.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/624\/revisions\/625"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.ramblingrunnergirl.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=624"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.ramblingrunnergirl.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=624"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.ramblingrunnergirl.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=624"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}