{"id":590,"date":"2014-01-22T05:55:25","date_gmt":"2014-01-22T05:55:25","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.ramblingrunnergirl.com\/?p=590"},"modified":"2014-01-22T06:12:22","modified_gmt":"2014-01-22T06:12:22","slug":"slow-and-steady-is-still-a-victory","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.ramblingrunnergirl.com\/?p=590","title":{"rendered":"Slow and Steady is Still a Victory"},"content":{"rendered":"

Last Tuesday, I finally got back in the pool after several months of avoiding it.\u00a0 I was pleasantly surprised that it wasn\u2019t the epic fail that I expected it to be.\u00a0 It was actually, dare I say, quite pleasant.\u00a0 I jumped in thinking I was back at square 1, where I started a year ago, the first time I walked onto the deck of the Crestview Middle School pool and talked to Andy Ripp.\u00a0 As he prepared to evaluate my stroke that day, I was utterly embarrassed at how ridiculous I was sure I looked.\u00a0 But last Tuesday, as I slipped into the water and began a slow warm up, I repeated the things to myself that Andy had told me that very first day in the water: Head down, elbows up, fingertips pointed toward the bottom of the pool and most importantly, RELAX.\u00a0 I glided through the water, nice and easy (read: slow).\u00a0 Ok, I can do this.\u00a0 I haven\u2019t forgotten how.\u00a0 Even the bilateral breathing felt as natural as ever.\u00a0 And my new goggles that I bought in Arizona, per the suggestion of Ron Trapper, were a huge success.<\/p>\n

After a few hundred meters, I caught a glimpse of Andy walking along the side of the pool watching me.\u00a0 I had sent him an email that morning to let him know I was planning to be there so that he didn\u2019t die of complete shock upon seeing me again. \u00a0At the end of that length, I stopped and he nodded, smiling.\u00a0 \u201cHow do you feel?” he asked.<\/p>\n

\u201cSurprisingly okay,\u201d I responded.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou look good.\u00a0 You look relaxed.\u00a0 You haven\u2019t lost any technique.\u201d<\/p>\n

I was relieved.\u00a0 We talked for a minute about technique, about the Racine half Ironman that I completed in July and various events that I am signed up for this year, including Ironman Arizona.\u00a0 Andy suggested that I let my lead hand hang out in front a split second longer.\u00a0 And then I went back to it.\u00a0 I managed about 1500 meters in the time I had left.\u00a0 I mixed in some back stroke here and there just to change muscle groups, but I felt good about my freestyle efforts.\u00a0 Slow and steady is still a victory.<\/p>\n

So when today was coming around, I had my bag packed with my swim gear and I was feeling ready.\u00a0 I was feeling good.\u00a0 But just after 7 am this morning, came the text message that has become all too familiar this winter.\u00a0 \u201cSchool Cancelled.\u201d\u00a0 Ugh.\u00a0 If school is cancelled, that means swimming is cancelled.\u00a0 Of course, even if it wasn\u2019t, I don\u2019t know what I\u2019d do with my kids during that time anyway.<\/p>\n

So, today became a bike on the trainer at home day while the kids watched episodes of Jessie and Good Luck Charlie on the Disney Channel.\u00a0 Swimming might just have to wait til next week since I have other things planned during the rest of this week\u2019s practice times.\u00a0 But sometimes that\u2019s the way life goes.\u00a0 You have to roll with the punches.\u00a0 You have to re-evaluate.\u00a0 You have set backs\u2026<\/p>\n

Today I faced another setback. \u00a0Or seemingly so anyway.\u00a0 I am coming to terms with the fact that there are still people and situations in this world that scare me. That\u2019s right, the adrenaline junkie tough chick gets scared sometimes.\u00a0 At one point this afternoon, I stood in my room staring at the Wall of Lindsey that holds all my medals and plaques and the picture of the boat that MSU Women\u2019s Crew named the Lindsey J.\u00a0 And it occurred to me that while I seek to prove how strong I am through all of these different activities, I am really masking the bigger issues.\u00a0 I am scared.\u00a0 Scared of being perceived as weak.\u00a0 Scared of allowing people the chance to hurt me.\u00a0 Scared of letting anyone to use my vulnerabilities against me ever again.<\/p>\n

So, where does that leave me?\u00a0 Does that mean I\u2019ve lost all the progress that I thought I had made?\u00a0 No, I don\u2019t think it does.\u00a0 Just like swimming, it may have been a while since I had been in the pool, I may have put things on hold temporarily, but I didn\u2019t forget everything I\u2019ve learned.\u00a0 I just have to think about it a little more closely while I deal with the issues in front of me.\u00a0 Again, slow and steady is still a victory.<\/p>\n

In my last post, I made reference to how my dad and I would say, \u201cIt hurts good.\u201d And just like running, when it hurts good, you know you\u2019ve pushed yourself and you\u2019ve grown; emotionally speaking we could say the same.\u00a0 When we face our fears and the things that hold us back, they hurt but confronting them is good for us.\u00a0 And that isn\u2019t necessarily a setback, it\u2019s a chance to see how far we\u2019ve come even though there is still work to do.\u00a0 This doesn\u2019t negate the progress that has been made.<\/p>\n

Sometimes I think about why I do the marathons and other endurance events that I do.\u00a0 Yeah, I love that stuff.\u00a0 I love the work that goes into training for it.\u00a0 I love the time with my friends.\u00a0 I love the travel and the experience of it.\u00a0 I love the sense of accomplishment I feel when I cross the finish line sweaty and exhausted.\u00a0 I love the way I smile as I hobble around for a day or two afterward.<\/p>\n

But no marathon or Ironman or any other race will ever take the place of facing the things that truly scare me.\u00a0 It\u2019s easy to see how people become addicted to alcohol or food or drugs, all things used to cover over the real problem.\u00a0 But even racing has the potential to become an unhealthy obsession if I am only using it to try to fill a void.<\/p>\n

I want to earn the title Ironman this year.\u00a0 In November I will have the chance to physically prove it.\u00a0 But in the months leading up to that, I still have some things to face in order to call myself an all around Ironwoman.\u00a0 This isn\u2019t a setback so much as it is a temporary pause to re-evaluate how far I\u2019ve come and where I still need to go from here.\u00a0 Slow and steady is still a victory.<\/p>\n

\"Kelly,<\/a>

Kelly, Adrianne, RRG, Frenchy, Farrell and Ron…getting ready to take on IMAZ 2014<\/p><\/div>\n

I\u2019ve been saying all along, Ironman Arizona is just a platform for me to figure out how to tell my story.\u00a0 There is a lot more to my story than most people know, but somehow I will figure out how to tell it, as hard as it may be.\u00a0 I invite you to stick around to make the journey with me.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Last Tuesday, I finally got back in the pool after several months of avoiding it.\u00a0 I was pleasantly surprised that it wasn\u2019t the epic fail that I expected it to be.\u00a0 It was actually, dare I say, quite pleasant.\u00a0 I jumped in thinking I was back at square 1, where I started a year ago, […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"aside","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[5],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-590","post","type-post","status-publish","format-aside","hentry","category-randomthoughts","post_format-post-format-aside"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p4eO4v-9w","_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.ramblingrunnergirl.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/590","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.ramblingrunnergirl.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.ramblingrunnergirl.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.ramblingrunnergirl.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.ramblingrunnergirl.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=590"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"http:\/\/www.ramblingrunnergirl.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/590\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":596,"href":"http:\/\/www.ramblingrunnergirl.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/590\/revisions\/596"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.ramblingrunnergirl.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=590"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.ramblingrunnergirl.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=590"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.ramblingrunnergirl.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=590"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}