{"id":528,"date":"2013-11-07T04:06:13","date_gmt":"2013-11-07T04:06:13","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.ramblingrunnergirl.com\/?p=528"},"modified":"2013-11-07T04:06:13","modified_gmt":"2013-11-07T04:06:13","slug":"the-path-finder","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.ramblingrunnergirl.com\/?p=528","title":{"rendered":"The Path Finder"},"content":{"rendered":"

It\u2019s been a crazy (insert here: very challenging) week.\u00a0 Right after my marathon weekend of working, parties and running a half marathon with Elvis and the bananas,\u00a0my Pathfinder died a tragic death.\u00a0 On Monday evening, I was driving from Shane\u2019s over to meet Katrina for sushi in the Central West End and the Pathfinder started shaking.\u00a0 I was convinced it was the transmission and I hoped that I wouldn\u2019t end up stranded on the side of the road somewhere.\u00a0 I made it to meet Katrina and then eventually we got back to her apartment, where I stayed for the night so I wouldn\u2019t have to drive out 64\/40 to West County in the dark.<\/p>\n

On Tuesday morning, I was headed for the dealership for a fortuitously scheduled appointment to get my heat fixed.\u00a0 On the way there, not only did the shaking get worse, I had full on smoke coming from the hood.\u00a0 Oh dear Lord, please just get me to the dealership.\u00a0 I was so happy to turn off of Manchester onto the Nissan property, I almost cried.\u00a0 But it wasn\u2019t until an hour later, when the news came about my SUV that the tears were unleashed.\u00a0 The word was that it would cost more to fix the failed radiator, transmission, breaks and rotors than the actual value of the vehicle.\u00a0 The upside of that, it made it a really easy decision what had to be done.<\/p>\n

After leaving my mom a voicemail, I started tearfully trying to figure out what to do next.\u00a0\u00a0I called Shane.\u00a0 It\u2019s nice to have someone in the business of selling cars when you find yourself in a somewhat desperate position such as I was.\u00a0 He was on the other line, so I tended to other things until he called me back.\u00a0Not only did I need to buy a new car, I was currently stranded with an inoperable vehicle. \u00a0I\u00a0enlisted the help of\u00a0my neighbor, Stephanie.\u00a0 She agreed\u00a0to pick the kids up from school and tend to them, so at least I didn\u2019t have to stress about that timing.\u00a0 I got in touch with Dan (since there is more than one Dan in this post, we’ll call him Dan #1) who was willing to be my chauffeur.\u00a0 I called Britta and asked her to be my \u201cbrain\u201d because I was such an emotional\u00a0train wreck,\u00a0I couldn\u2019t think straight (Why is it that hormones have really bad timing?)\u00a0 We talked through everything that I needed to do and I felt better after\u00a0a conversation with\u00a0my sounding board.<\/p>\n

I\u2019m 38 years old and this was the first time I\u2019ve ever been through the process of buying\u00a0a\u00a0car by myself.\u00a0 I was terrified.<\/p>\n

After what felt like an eternity, Shane called.\u00a0 He said \u201cGet over here to me so we can handle this.\u00a0 Leave the Nissan there, we\u2019ll figure that out later\u201d.<\/p>\n

Dan #1 showed up in the Nissan lounge to see me having a tearful phone conversation with my mom, and then he transported me around town gathering what I needed and ultimately delivering me to Shane in Creve Coeur.\u00a0 I spent the afternoon at Plaza Mercedes and drove away with my 2012 Hyundai Santa Fe, which has been named Isaac after my Great-Grandfather. \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0I found the registration from the previous owner in the glove box and as it turns out he is from the same very, very small town in Illinois that my dad grew up in.\u00a0 My aunt actually graduated from High School with his mom.\u00a0 It\u2019s kismet.<\/p>\n

\"The<\/a>

The old Pathfinder on the right, the new one on the left…<\/p><\/div>\n

Strangely, it was really hard to say good-bye to that heap of junk that was my Pathfinder.\u00a0 Partly because it was fun to drive and had lots of great road trip memories like out to the Smoky Mountains and up to Racine.\u00a0 But also, it really lived up to its name.\u00a0 In some ways, it did actually help me find my path.\u00a0 It definitely taught me a lot about finding my strength as I had to fight to keep it over the past few years.<\/p>\n

On Sunday morning, after the kids went back to their dad\u2019s, I drove my new Santa Fe over to Castlewood where I was supposed to meet Shalini and Shane for a run.\u00a0 They had gotten there about an hour earlier and by the time I arrived the parking lots were packed. \u00a0I kept an eye open for them while I changed into my Cascadia\u2019s.\u00a0 I saw Shalini and Rosie across the road about to head up Lone Wolf hill.\u00a0 Surely they were going to wait for me, right? Nope.\u00a0 But hold on a second, where was Shane?\u00a0 About a minute later, I saw Shane cutting across the grass before he looped around and came up the road.\u00a0 Apparently, Shalini had run into Rosie and taken off a little early.\u00a0 We learned this when we ran into them on the bluff overlooking the Meremac River.\u00a0 After a few minutes of chit-chat, primarily about the trail marathon we are signed up for in December, Rosie and I determined we would see each other in a couple hours at the store for work, and then we all parted ways.<\/p>\n

\"This<\/a>

This is why we all love to run at Castlewood. Can you blame us?!<\/p><\/div>\n

Shane led us down the long, wooden\u00a0staircase and then we headed out along the flats by the river.\u00a0 Somehow, while we ran, I began telling Shane my story.\u00a0 My whole story.\u00a0 We bonded.\u00a0 I told him about some of the\u00a0traumatic things that have happened to me in life and how that contributed to landing me in a relationship where I ultimately felt totally unhappy and completely trapped in an unhealthy marriage.<\/p>\n

Occasionally we had to stop running just so I could finish telling part of the story.\u00a0 Eventually, I realized that somewhere along the way, we had\u00a0crossed from the part of Castlewood that is incredibly familiar to me, to a part that I had never even seen before.\u00a0 I kept talking, telling my story.\u00a0 He didn\u2019t judge, didn\u2019t ask questions, he just kept leading the way.<\/p>\n

Then suddenly\u00a0he stopped.\u00a0 And he searched my face waiting for me to realize where we were.\u00a0 I looked at what was in front of us.\u00a0 A tunnel leading under the train tracks. A big smile spread across my face. \u00a0I had only heard of this place, never actually found it, and Shane knew that. Wes had told me that one time he watched Shane ride through this tunnel on his mountain bike. Which had to be incredibly tricky since I had to hunch way over just to walk through it.\u00a0 Anyway, Shane led me through the tunnel, trying to scare me with talk of spiders in my hair.\u00a0 Silly Shane, he still hasn\u2019t figured out that I\u2019m not scared of stuff like that.\u00a0 When we got to the other side, he said, \u201cCome on, I want to show you something\u201d.\u00a0 So we started up a fairly steep ascent through the woods over some pretty rocky terrain.\u00a0 It was only maybe 50 yards at most and then we were at the top.\u00a0 There was a clearing and we were standing on an overlook just above the train tracks.\u00a0 It was unbelievably cool.<\/p>\n

\"I<\/a>

I went back on Monday to take this picture. And to make sure I could find it on my own.<\/p><\/div>\n

We only stayed for a second and then we headed down the hill, through the tunnel and back through the washed out area over to the river.\u00a0 After we came back through the tunnel, I realized I had been to that spot once before but I never quite made it to the tunnel and then I turned around, thinking I was going the wrong way.\u00a0 I had been so close to finding that place on my own, and yet I just missed it without someone to show me the way.<\/p>\n

Sometimes it just takes someone with a little different perspective to take something so familiar and help you see it differently.<\/p>\n

Likewise, Sunday night, I got to see the pictures my friend Dan #2 took of me and kids on Saturday at Forest Park.\u00a0 All of the pictures are amazing, he captured each of the kids totally in their element.\u00a0 And then I came upon the one he took of me.\u00a0 I immediately started crying.\u00a0 I looked so happy.\u00a0 And I don\u2019t know that I have ever seen myself look that beautiful.\u00a0 I was shocked.\u00a0 I see myself in the mirror every day but is that really how other people see me?\u00a0 Again, sometimes it takes someone else to show you how something that you look at every day isn\u2019t always exactly how you see it.\u00a0 (Here’s the link to the pictures Dan #2\u00a0took:\u00a0 http:\/\/www.littlerubberball.com\/gallery\/index.php\/LJ-Shoot-2013?page=1<\/a>\u00a0)<\/p>\n

I got that old\u00a0Nissan Pathfinder literally\u00a0the day before I\u00a0found the\u00a0courage\u00a0to speak up and say that I couldn\u2019t stay in my marriage anymore as it was.\u00a0 Besides my children, who will always be with me, that car was really the only big thing that I had tying me to that part of my life, the old me.\u00a0 And it stayed with me while I found my strength, my voice, my path.\u00a0 But there is a season for everything in life.\u00a0\u00a0 Now is the season to let go of the past.\u00a0 It\u2019s the season to take a step forward, not back.\u00a0 I\u2019m no longer in a season of running away from things, but now I\u2019m running toward my\u00a0life and all the good things that brings.\u00a0 I’ve entered a season to start looking at things differently and blaze new paths, even if it takes someone else to help point the way.\u00a0 There was a season that I wondered if I would ever again be truly happy, but now I know that season has only just begun.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

It\u2019s been a crazy (insert here: very challenging) week.\u00a0 Right after my marathon weekend of working, parties and running a half marathon with Elvis and the bananas,\u00a0my Pathfinder died a tragic death.\u00a0 On Monday evening, I was driving from Shane\u2019s over to meet Katrina for sushi in the Central West End and the Pathfinder started […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"aside","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[5],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-528","post","type-post","status-publish","format-aside","hentry","category-randomthoughts","post_format-post-format-aside"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p4eO4v-8w","_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.ramblingrunnergirl.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/528","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.ramblingrunnergirl.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.ramblingrunnergirl.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.ramblingrunnergirl.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.ramblingrunnergirl.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=528"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"http:\/\/www.ramblingrunnergirl.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/528\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":533,"href":"http:\/\/www.ramblingrunnergirl.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/528\/revisions\/533"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.ramblingrunnergirl.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=528"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.ramblingrunnergirl.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=528"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.ramblingrunnergirl.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=528"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}