![\"Forest](\"http:\/\/www.ramblingrunnergirl.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/08\/1149595_10151787456560789_256691433_o-2.jpg\")
<\/a>Forest Park on Friday<\/p><\/div>\n
Eventually I stood up to find the girls waiting near my car wondering where I was.\u00a0 And then, the weekend was off and running.\u00a0 Literally.\u00a0 It was an insanely packed weekend.\u00a0 Diana and I had a Girls Night planned for about a month because it was the only date we could mutually land on and I planned to stay with Diana Friday night. \u00a0It has become tradition that our Girls Nights always start with a loop around Forest Park. \u00a0Saturday I worked all day, then jumped in the car with some of my co-workers to head downtown for the pre-season Rams\/Packers game to celebrate Katrina\u2019s birthday.\u00a0 I was there proudly displaying my Bears shirt.\u00a0 The beer guy deduced that I must be a Rams fan by default because there was no way I could even consider cheering for the Packers.\u00a0 I concurred. \u00a0A few of us went out after the game and I stayed at Kat\u2019s apartment.<\/p>\n
I got up Sunday morning and went back to the store.\u00a0 August in specialty running is the busiest time there is.\u00a0 The height of marathon training, the start of Cross Country season and back to school, all converge for mild insanity.\u00a0 It\u2019s exciting, and crazy, and fun!\u00a0 But somewhat exhausting too.\u00a0 After work Sunday, I was off to Lake St. Louis for a housewarming BBQ for Farrell and Ryan.\u00a0 And so went Round 3 of the weekend.\u00a0 I ended up staying in their guest room and not dragging myself out of bed until about 10:30am on Monday.\u00a0 (Benefit of having no kids and working the closing shift on Mondays! It\u2019s my sleep in day, and I needed it.)<\/p>\n
I made my way home, tended to a few things and then headed over to Castlewood to get in as many miles as I had time for before a shower and work.<\/p>\n
I headed out the trail along the river\u2026overwhelmed by thoughts of appointments I needed to schedule.\u00a0 I ran past the stairs and continued along the river bank\u2026thinking about a phone call I needed to make to one of the kids\u2019 teachers.\u00a0 We haven\u2019t even started school yet and it\u2019s already weighing on me.\u00a0 I headed back to the stairs and up\u2026there was a nice breeze, but I was sucking wind pretty good in the heat of the day and I contemplated how difficult it is to train for a marathon with work and 3 kids.\u00a0 I made it to the top of the stairs and ran along the ridge overlooking the Meramec River. Eventually, I headed down the switchbacks and I started thinking about something\u2026<\/p>\n
Remember being a kid and coming crashing in the house on a Friday afternoon after school?\u00a0 You\u2019d toss your backpack down, grab a quick snack from the kitchen and were out the back door, on your bike and gone<\/b> before the screen door could slam behind you.\u00a0 Remember that feeling of freedom?\u00a0 No worries, no cares, at least not until Sunday evening when it was finally time to open the backpack that hadn\u2019t moved from where it had been so haphazardly forgotten on Friday.\u00a0 Those were the days it seemed like you\u2019d never grow up and have to face\u2026responsibility.<\/p>\n
Being an adult can be so over-rated.\u00a0 Bills.\u00a0 Work.\u00a0 Repair people. Appointments.\u00a0 Trying to make the best possible decision for your kids\u2019 future when you don\u2019t even have a clue what the best decision is for yourself sometimes.\u00a0 It seems like once we grow up, we still long for that feeling of being \u201chome\u201d.\u00a0 Wouldn\u2019t it be nice to have those moments of being a kid again, crashing through the back door? \u00a0\u00a0And that\u2019s when it hit me\u2026being at Castlewood, running through the woods, jumping over rocks and roots, splashing through the creek without a second of hesitation, that satisfying crunch of gravel beneath my feet\u2026that\u2019s my way of returning to my youth. \u00a0\u00a0That\u2019s where I feel \u201chome\u201d.<\/p>\n
I\u2019ve always said, I\u2019m good on the uphills, but I suck at the downhills.\u00a0 Why is that?\u00a0 Because, the bigger we are, the harder we fall, right? And making a mistake can have much more extreme consequences now.<\/p>\n
I\u2019ve gotten really proficient over the past couple years at running up hill, facing the challenges of life knowing I can conquer whatever comes my way, climbing the mountains in front of me.\u00a0 But running downhill is scary.\u00a0 Sometimes it feels reckless and out of control.\u00a0 Sometimes it seems like free falling. So, I find myself approaching the downhills with more trepidation, I\u2019m more timid.\u00a0 I try to be more sure footed and control my every move. \u00a0I\u2019m afraid of making a misstep and falling. I run downhills, much like I have approached certain aspects of my life.\u00a0 So, as I ran down those hills on Monday afternoon, I decided to let go and not worry quite so much about falling.\u00a0 It was hard to really let go, but to some extent I did.<\/p>\n
I want to run, and live life, with a little more reckless abandon.\u00a0 I don\u2019t want to stress over every little step or worry about what \u2018might\u2019 happen. Obviously I need to give major decisions the consideration that they require, especially when they involve my kids, but let\u2019s just say, hypothetically, that I mess up.\u00a0 Because inevitably, I will.\u00a0 Ok, then what?\u00a0 I fall down.\u00a0 And then?\u00a0 I pick up myself up, brush myself off, get my wits about me again and get back on the path.<\/p>\n
My dad always said, \u201cWhen you come to a fork in the road\u2026take it.\u201d\u00a0 You\u2019ve gotta make a decision to go one way or the other, if you don\u2019t you just end up standing in the woods.<\/p>\n
Eventually I found myself standing at the base of Cardiac Hill.\u00a0 For anyone who doesn\u2019t know Castlewood, this is about as tough a hill as you\u2019ll find in the greater St. Louis area.\u00a0 I\u2019d guess it\u2019s about a quarter of a mile of steep rocky rooted mess.\u00a0 I contemplated briefly what to do because I wasn\u2019t feeling like I had my usual stuff on Monday.\u00a0 Probably due to an insane weekend, but now in hind sight, it also most likely had something to do with the bug that I\u2019ve come down with that has me suffering through a killer sore throat.\u00a0 I finished off the last of the Gatorade in my bottle, took one more second to catch my breath, and set off up the hill.<\/p>\n
It didn\u2019t matter how slow I climbed the hill, I still managed to make it to the top.\u00a0 I always do.\u00a0 That\u2019s the thing I believe about myself.\u00a0 But on Monday, I didn\u2019t climb that hill for anything other than what was waiting when I got to the top\u2026the run back down through the switchbacks with that mentality of being a kid after school on a Friday afternoon.<\/p>\n
I\u2019m a parent now, so while I continue my search for those moments of laying on the grass, staring up at the clouds and those moments of feeling \u201chome\u201d, I also have to create the environment for my kids to have those moments as well.\u00a0 But in the meantime, I\u2019m determined to run down the hills of life with a little more spirit, a little less fear, and occasionally total reckless abandon.<\/p>\n