{"id":323,"date":"2013-06-05T03:24:02","date_gmt":"2013-06-05T03:24:02","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.ramblingrunnergirl.com\/?p=323"},"modified":"2013-07-18T19:31:24","modified_gmt":"2013-07-18T19:31:24","slug":"the-cranberry-conundrum","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.ramblingrunnergirl.com\/?p=323","title":{"rendered":"The Cranberry Conundrum"},"content":{"rendered":"

Disclaimer:\u00a0 I am a runner.\u00a0 Runners are gross.\u00a0 We talk about things like poop.\u00a0 If you have a weak stomach, I recommend that you not read this particular post.\u00a0 However, if you feel so inclined to read about my bodily functions, I guarantee you will be rewarded with laughter that may make you fall on the floor.<\/p>\n

Stop now or read on.\u00a0It’s your choice.\u00a0You\u2019ve been warned.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s appropriate that in a couple days I will join my Ragnar team \u201cHot Mess\u201d for our highly anticipated relay from Madison to Chicago this weekend, because hot mess accurately describes me as I will be portrayed in this post.\u00a0 On Sunday, I met up with my Hot Mess teammate, Shane, at Forest Park for a 6 mile run.\u00a0 On Monday, I planned to do a brick for my Half-Ironman training.\u00a0 I was hoping to ride at least 25 miles and then run as much as I could before I had to get showered and in to work.<\/p>\n

When I woke up Monday morning, I was feeling a little iffy, so I slept a bit longer.\u00a0 And later, while I ate my bagel with peanut butter, I grabbed some cranberry pills to alleviate what I suspected to be a UTI that was causing my discomfort.\u00a0 I finally managed to get out on the bike and got in my 25 miles.\u00a0 I was feeling great!\u00a0 No flats, no wipeouts.\u00a0 Awesome.<\/p>\n

I dropped off my bike at home, did a quick change into my running gear and despite the fact that I know better, I ate my Honey Stinger Cherry-cola flavored Chews during the transition.\u00a0 I know, I know\u2026we\u2019re always supposed to take nutritionals at the end of the bike so that our bodies have time to adjust to a new activity before we add that stress.\u00a0 For whatever reason, I thought I was fine.\u00a0 And I quickly set off on my run.\u00a0 A mile in, I couldn\u2019t believe I was feeling so good and holding near marathon pace.\u00a0 And then, on the paved trails of Wildwood, disaster struck.\u00a0 My stomach started to cramp.\u00a0 I figured that\u2019s normal with a brick, especially since I made the mistake of the transitional nutritional.\u00a0 So I forced myself to suck it up and keep going, despite my slightly slowed pace.<\/p>\n

I managed to get to the intersection of Manchester and 109, which would give me almost exactly 5 miles as an out and back.\u00a0 Perfect.\u00a0 I began the 2.5 miles back to the house\u2026my stomach pain increasing, my pace slowing, my sanity wavering.\u00a0 I started to question how I would be able to accomplish 70.3 if I couldn\u2019t even manage a 5 mile run after a 25 mile bike ride.\u00a0 I didn\u2019t even swim first!\u00a0 GAH!<\/p>\n

Fortunately, I had water, I continued to hydrate.\u00a0 I remember seeing a couple of Wildwood police cars communing in a neighborhood and since I was beginning to get concerned about getting to work on time, I contemplated asking them to drive me home.\u00a0 I thought to myself, \u201cOh seriously, Lindsey, you are being dramatic.\u00a0 Just finish the run.\u201d<\/p>\n

I made it to the Mobile station a mile from my house.\u00a0 I stopped for more water.\u00a0 More to have a reason to walk for a moment than an actual need for more water, but the ice tasted good.\u00a0 I briefly considered going to the bathroom at Mobile, but decided I could make it home to the comfort of my own commode.<\/p>\n

I started that last long mile.\u00a0 I ran, or perhaps shuffled is a better word, past the neighborhood clubhouse where the pool was starting to fill up with moms and kids and the Lake Chesterfield retirees.\u00a0 Stop?\u00a0 Yes. No.\u00a0 What to do?\u00a0 I can make it.\u00a0 I just want to be home.\u00a0 I walked.\u00a0 I tried to run.\u00a0 I hunched over in fetal position.\u00a0 I thought about crawling.\u00a0 Any runner who has ever experienced the desperation of seeking a bathroom, a port-o-potty, a bush, anything,\u00a0knows exactly how much I wanted to cry right there on the sidewalk.\u00a0 I usually run up the hill to my street, rather than taking the path by the lake to my back door, but this time I just needed the shortest possible route.\u00a0 I could see my house.\u00a0 Almost there.\u00a0 Almost. Almost…<\/p>\n

Big Sigh.<\/p>\n

So close.\u00a0 And yet, so far away.\u00a0 I will not go into all the details of how it went down, but sadly, it went down.\u00a0 Oh, yes, it happened.\u00a0 Every runner\u2019s worst fear.<\/p>\n

I managed to get myself showered and I got to work right at the stroke of 4.\u00a0 I was shoving any food I could find in my face.\u00a0 I was starving.\u00a0 I had a Gu Brew Recovery drink.\u00a0 I wanted to lay down and die, but since it was only me and Katrina closing the store, I pulled it together for the massive rush of Chesterfieldians that all conspired to descend upon FLEET FEET in the last hours of the day.\u00a0 It was the Lindsey and Katrina show as we jogged through the store supplying customers with all they needed for their running endeavors, while providing entertainment at the same time, as the line grew increasingly longer.\u00a0 I\u2019m pretty sure we did about half the store\u2019s business in that last hour of the day.\u00a0 We were spectacular.<\/p>\n

I came home and crashed.\u00a0 I stopped at Dierberg\u2019s on the way for some dinner. \u00a0Then I spent the rest of the night on my couch, drinking\u00a0Gatorade and watching Desiree decide who stays and who goes.<\/p>\n

And now you get the punch line to the story.\u00a0 This evening, as I was cleaning up the dinner dishes, I saw the cranberry pills sitting on the counter and popped a few more out of the package.\u00a0 As I looked for my water bottle to take them, I\u00a0glanced at the pink pills in my palm.\u00a0 Wait a second\u2026something isn\u2019t right.\u00a0 I grabbed the package.\u00a0 Flipped it over.\u00a0 And saw the words\u2026Women\u2019s Laxative.<\/p>\n

OMG.\u00a0 No way did I actually do that.\u00a0 Before a 25 mile bike ride and a 5 mile run, I took not one, not two but THREE laxatives.\u00a0 I don\u2019t even know why I had those in my house, because let\u2019s face it, I\u2019m a runner who drinks a lot of coffee, I NEVER need them.<\/p>\n

After my disbelief wore off at the sheer misery I had caused myself, I found myself experiencing jubilance in the\u00a0realization that I might actually be able to make it through 70.3 without dying. I started laughing at myself.\u00a0 I started laughing so hard that if I wasn\u2019t completely dehydrated, I would probably have cried actual tears.\u00a0 The laughter made up for the severe pain I was in only 24 hours ago.\u00a0 Laughter has a way of doing that.<\/p>\n

And after all, if you can\u2019t laugh at yourself, what can ya do?<\/p>\n

\"Can<\/a>

Can you tell the difference? I guarantee I will never confuse these ever again!<\/p><\/div>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Disclaimer:\u00a0 I am a runner.\u00a0 Runners are gross.\u00a0 We talk about things like poop.\u00a0 If you have a weak stomach, I recommend that you not read this particular post.\u00a0 However, if you feel so inclined to read about my bodily functions, I guarantee you will be rewarded with laughter that may make you fall on […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"aside","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[10,5,1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-323","post","type-post","status-publish","format-aside","hentry","category-memorablerunningmoments","category-randomthoughts","category-uncategorized","post_format-post-format-aside"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p4eO4v-5d","_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.ramblingrunnergirl.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/323","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.ramblingrunnergirl.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.ramblingrunnergirl.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.ramblingrunnergirl.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.ramblingrunnergirl.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=323"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"http:\/\/www.ramblingrunnergirl.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/323\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":326,"href":"http:\/\/www.ramblingrunnergirl.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/323\/revisions\/326"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.ramblingrunnergirl.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=323"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.ramblingrunnergirl.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=323"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.ramblingrunnergirl.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=323"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}