A couple weeks ago, my friend Amy Marxkors, wrote a piece about how you can\u2019t run and cry at the same time.\u00a0 I assure you, this is correct.\u00a0 I speak from personal experience.\u00a0 Personal experience as recently as this afternoon.<\/p>\n
I\u2019ve been having a rough week.\u00a0 So rough in fact that when I met Faith for coffee this morning prior to opening the store, it didn\u2019t take more than a minute or so after her walking in, and I was dissolved in tears in the front window of Starbucks as I shared my woes with my friend.<\/p>\n
I managed to pull myself together eventually and put on my happy pants while I was at work, but as soon as the clock hit 2pm, I knew I needed to get my run on.\u00a0 I needed to find me some hills.\u00a0 Off to Babler I went for a quick 4 miles before I had to pick the kids up from school.\u00a0 As I cruised down 109 towards one of my favorite running spots, the tears began to cruise down my face all over again.\u00a0 I could hear Faith\u2019s words from this morning ringing in my ears, \u201cLindsey, I know it\u2019s hard, but you are so brave.\u201d\u00a0 I pulled into my usual parking spot by the statue, changed my shoes, threw on my visor and set out on my usual \u201cbad day route\u201d with mascara still streaking my face.\u00a0 It didn\u2019t take more than a step or two for me to figure out that crying was just not in the cards if I wanted to get this run in.<\/p>\n
I\u2019m sure curiosity is peaked\u2026why had Rambling Runner Girl turned into Crying Runner Girl?\u00a0 Well, I\u2019ll tell you.\u00a0 But first I have to ask the question, why is it so hard to say the word \u201cNo\u201d?\u00a0 It\u2019s one of the first words we learn to say, right after Da, Ma, ball, dog and car. Sometimes even before some of those. \u00a0And toddlers use \u201cNo\u201d more than any other word in their rapidly growing vocabulary.\u00a0 Actually, so do some adults who act like toddlers. \u00a0\u201cNo\u201d is universal in how many different languages?\u00a0 And even cultures that use a different word for \u201cNo\u201d, still clearly understand what it means.\u00a0 We also have many different gestures to indicate \u201cNo\u201d, some more appropriate than others.\u00a0 But at what point, did it become so difficult for me to say No?<\/p>\n
I\u2019m a pleaser.\u00a0 I like to make other people happy.\u00a0 And I deeply take to heart other people\u2019s feeling when I\u2019m making a decision.\u00a0 Especially when those people are my children.\u00a0 But as a parent, sometimes it\u2019s necessary to say \u201cNo\u201d to things they want, or that other people want for them, because we have their best interest in mind.\u00a0 We can\u2019t please everyone all the time, so we really just have to do the best we can, to make the decision that we can live with at the end of the day.<\/p>\n
A few weeks ago I was asked to make a decision about something regarding my kids.\u00a0 I wrestled with it. I struggled.\u00a0 I did my research. \u00a0I talked through it with the people closest to me.\u00a0 Ultimately, I knew what my answer needed to be, but I knew it was going to be hard to say it.\u00a0 Last night, I said it.\u00a0 I exercised my right to say no.<\/p>\n
This morning, I needed to hear Faith\u2019s words, because I was doubting myself.\u00a0 I didn\u2019t feel brave.\u00a0 But as she reminded me, I\u2019m not the same person she met 2 years ago.\u00a0 Now, I am brave.\u00a0 Because to me being brave isn\u2019t about being fearless.\u00a0 Being brave means standing up to adversity and intimidation with conviction and fortitude. \u00a0Being brave means getting back up when I fall down.\u00a0 Being brave means saying what I need to say whether I say it in a whisper or a shout or even if my voice is shaking. \u00a0I continued to let all of this sink into me as I embraced the rolling hills of Babler this afternoon.<\/p>\n
By the end of my run, I noticed the graceful way my shadow seemed to glide across the asphalt, such smooth movements, almost like I was flying. It was actually kind of beautiful to watch. \u00a0It\u2019s funny how I was working so hard to put one foot in front of the other, sweating, struggling, pushing myself to go harder but from a totally different perspective my counter-part appeared to be going along with such ease.\u00a0 So there we were, two of me.\u00a0 Which one was real?\u00a0 Both actually.<\/p>\n
It\u2019s all<\/i> a matter of perspective. \u00a0Sometimes we just need to step back and look at ourselves from another angle, because sometimes we see ourselves a little too closely. \u00a0So I will go on chasing my own shadow and I\u2019ll try to remember that the \u201cme\u201d that is fighting to keep going is the same \u201cme\u201d that is graceful and courageous and strong.<\/p>\n
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